There are many rules on education that, if repeated so often, are considered irrefutable absolute truths. There are many parents who would never doubt the rule that says that when it comes to educating a child father and mother can never contradict each other, which always have to go at one (and this could be a mistake that we can talk about another day, if you want), and there are many who consider that asking forgiveness of children is a mistake because it would be a sign of weakness, and a father who pretends to be a role model for his children should not be weak.
Let's talk about it, to explain why there are those who say yes, that children must be asked for forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness to our children when we are wrong: Does it show weakness or teaching?
It must be a mistake, because parents must be an infallible model
This has been said to us all our lives, that parents cannot ask their children for forgiveness because if they do they will be showing them that they can be wrong, because they will lose all credibility and will no longer be able to correct the children, by demonstrating that they are not infallible. Apparently there is an unwritten command that says "parents are never wrong," or at least that is what children are supposed to think.
Nothing to apologize to a son and nothing to cry in front of him, for the same reason: keep making our son believe that we are perfect, continue to let him have us on a pedestal of admiration and that, based on that admiration, they will grow, learn and model to become the best version of us.
But then we ask you to be like a false version of ourselves
We believe that our children will have the opportunity to be better than us, and for this we teach them only what we want them to see of our personality. And this is not positive? Well, not much, because in reality we are not being sincere in omitting our status as a human person who errs. It is neither positive nor fair.
I say human, because those who have humanity also suffer and cry. They laugh, enjoy and do without problem everything we want them to see from us, but a human being also has bad times and cries, suffers and looks for ways to find solutions. And a human being is also wrong because nobody is perfect and because, in fact, making mistakes is not always a sign of weakness, but often the sign that we are moving forward: nobody has ever achieved anything important without having fallen before.
So do we have to show ourselves as we are?
So is. We have to be able to laugh in front of our children and we have to be able to cry also in front of them, because that way they will know that it is normal to feel joy and that it is normal to feel sadness. Don't we want our children to explain to us what ails them when they have a problem? Well, they have to feel that it is possible to feel bad and that they can show themselves to others in that state and talk about it. If we hide it, if they see that we never suffer, they may come to think that they are "broken", that they are weak or lazy from crying, and will begin to fight against those feelings to avoid them or to hide them.
And there is nothing worse than thinking that you should not have those feelings that you have, because you deny your emotions, or anything worse than hiding them, because if they refuse, they are not solved.
So can we ask forgiveness?
It's not that you can, it's that is due if we feel that we were wrong. To ask forgiveness is to recognize, with humility and sincerity, that adults, that parents, are also wrong. That we are not infallible and that sometimes we act even against our principles. And asking for forgiveness is the best way to recognize the error and, in a way, try to correct it.
It is not a confessing weakness, it is a teaching, because in this way our children will know that they are also going to make mistakes, not once, but many times, and that what is right, what dignifies them, is to know how to recognize it, to be able to ask for forgiveness and Find a way to fix the damage.
If instead we show ourselves, as many parents consider that they must be shown, perfect, they will feel again that before an error they must remain straight and strong, that they should not show weakness, and on many occasions they will not even recognize the mistake made. Come on, that many will lie to try not to disappoint us; they will deny something that will sometimes be obvious to avoid showing us that they have failed in their attempt to be perfect like us. And no father wants his son to lie or feel that he is letting them down.
The value of the example
That is why the important thing is not what we tell them, but what we do, how we behave and how we interact with them. If we want to have children capable of recognizing when they were wrong and brave enough to ask for forgiveness, we must be an example in that regard and we have to apologize when we think we could have done better.
If we also want to have children capable of looking for solutions when they are wrong, we have to show them that we also say that "I'm sorry, I was wrong, what can I do to solve it?".
And if we want children to be free to feel, that they are not ashamed of their feelings, that they are capable of laughing and crying and that they explain to us how they feel (both in our relationship with them and in their relationship with other people), we have to show ourselves as we are, imperfect, human, sensitive and communicative (and if we are not, try to be).
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Ask forgiveness of children, and we will not create a trauma? Children need parents, The value of example (2): video "Children see, children do", For future parents: your child will love you more than nothing in the world
