We continue with our Maternity and paternity course. Today we board parenting in harmony, a concept that is worth having very clear and that should be the objective of our decisions, decisions that must be based on a personal work to develop our empathy.
As I said in a previous topic, parenting is a background race in which our role is twofold. On the one hand we are the agents that help our children to develop fully as people, namely channeling their lives to achieve the goals they set themselves and to build themselves as happy people respecting and being respected.
On the other hand the upbringing It is an opportunity that gives us life, parents, to improve as people, develop our abilities, break unhealthy schemes and learn to communicate better, building a family nucleus in which we all feel happy and can grow together in harmony.
And all this is based on our ability to develop a fundamental skill for parenting and life: work empathy.
Growing in harmony
Families are living beings that are growingNot only do children grow up, parents also have to grow in emotional responsibility towards them and become more just and balanced people. Mature, what is said to mature, is our business and if we do not, little can they learn from our example. We can all grow together in harmony.
We will return to our three-year-old boy with a tantrum but first we will analyze the basis of a nurturing and harmonic education, something that we begin to build when he is still a baby.
Yes we have this child attended from baby when he has cried for physical contact and we have allowed him to develop naturally, giving him affection as well as talking to him, playing with him and allowing him to experiment, he will reach the age of tantrums and later stages with much greater capacity to trust us and that we are going to act really thinking about them and not just wanting to say no to everything.
Work empathy from reconciliation with our childhood
Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in the place of the other and understand their reasons and their emotions, feeling them in order to understand them better. A first step is work empathy towards the child of our childhood.
If we have forgotten how we felt as children when we were dominated and we were required blind blind obedience, a respect based on fear and we felt being treated unfairly, it is time to remember it. It is not pleasant, it hurts and we have to fight with the idea that we deserved that, that if they had not made us bow to adult authority we would have been unfortunate and to the belief that it was not so much when we felt sad or angry.
When this idea is deep within us we can think that our parents, although they made mistakes, almost in all cases they did it with the best of intentions, they loved us and tried to do their best. That reconciles us and allows us make criticism to be able to do self-criticism.
Work empathy from reconciliation with our parents
Nothing happens, we do not betray them, if we realize that they hurt us and that we could have been happier or be happier now if we had been more respected and heard. They themselves, for the love they had for us, deserve our efforts to do better. We must work empathy from emotional reconciliation with our parents and from the understanding of their mistakes.
Possibly our parents are from that generation that stopped taking off his belt and beating To solve things. That they didn't hit us was already a huge revolution. They were brave if they didn't hit us because thousands of previous generations had no qualms about crossing their children's faces or beating them up. The schemes have already broken.
If they had not done that possibly now we would not be able to ask ourselves whether to give a fish, punish, shout or call the idiot child is wrong. I think Ipray that we advance so that the whole society advances, just as today the mistreatment of women disgusts us and their grandparents perhaps seemed inevitable and not so serious.
This empathic attitude Not only will it help us improve our self-esteem and recompose our personal biography, but it is a basic tool in all our human development that will improve our ability to interact with other people, which, without a doubt, brings us personal benefits by making us live with less conflicts and with less grudges. All are advantages.
Let's not confuse empathy with an inability to set limits on others. One thing is that we do not attack, that we think about the reasons or emotions that lead the other to behave in a way that bothers us and another very different to allow us to be damaged or attacked. We have to ensure our emotional integrity and handle conflict situations without letting us be added or invaded.
I have to confess that this is the most complicated part of the process because, without the help of love, be nice It is sometimes complicated and even impossible. But with our children we have an enormous advantage and help, we love them without limit and there is no doubt about their love for us.
And in the next topic we will address, within our Maternity and paternity course the most important part of this I work with empathy: the relationship with our children.
