Yesterday we started an issue that usually affects many parents related to the way of raising, with our decisions and with the opinion of the people who live in our environment, making being a father can be very hard.
It usually happens above all with the most direct environment, with the grandparents and grandmothers of our children, our brothers, their uncles, or our friends, although it can also happen with unknown people. Yesterday we talked about some situations in which third parties put pressure on parents, sometimes even drowning them, and today we will deal with some situations that we did not touch yesterday.
This child needs to play with other children.
About a year and a half, sometimes before, sometimes after, the pressure to get the children to separate from their parents and go to daycare is accentuated until they reach almost harassment or demolition.
The boy is growing up. He already walks, runs and plays and these seem to be the only tools a child needs to finally separate from his parents and spend several hours with other children. Either that, or you become a child unable to see the sun.
I remember that it was one of the things for which we received the most pressure: “I should go to a nursery”, “You would have to leave it or go with the grandparents, to learn to be without you”, “You are doing more harm than good". Such was the bombardment of messages by the entire society ("Aren't you going to save today, baby?", They said in stores) that we came to visit a couple of nurseries to leave the child a few hours in the morning.
That was the trigger to decide not to take it, we saw immediately that there I would never be at home so, no need to go, because Miriam didn't work, there was no real reason.
You should already sleep in your bed, in your space
Many pediatricians believe that children have to leave the family room at 2-3 months, when they still do not know the environment or where they are, so that they know and learn that the night is spent in their room. Others say the change must be made at six months and others may not say anything about it, leaving the decision in the hands of each family.
The fact is that, without having a standard recommended age, a child of more than one year in the parents room is a problem to solve. The child is too spoiled and spoiled and the parents are so soft and comfortable that, they will find it, their children will manage their lives as they want, they will go to bed a thousand, they will get high, they will be criminals and criminals and they will hit them because they are not They were able to tell them what their bed was.
The fact is that the child has to sleep in his space anyway, it is not going to be that people find out that, with three years, he still sleeps with you. "Give him a bear, baby, and hug him" (which apparently is more honorable than hugging a mother or a father), "Well let him cry" or "No, no, children have to sleep in their bed ”Are phrases that can tell you without even disheveled.
If they are even more daring, they will approach the child and say: "You have to sleep in your room, that you are older, and mom and dad want to be alone." All this helping you to educate him, because It is clear that what they sleep with you is an educational failure, a mistake that you have not yet been able to correct.
But let's see, whose child is it?
I do not know how pressured you have felt, or if on any occasion you have done with your children things that you would not do at home, simply by avoiding comments. I don't even know if you have come home convinced that you were doing things wrong, because everyone convinces you of it, making you treat your children differently, or if you cried at night because you feel a pressure in the chest that He doesn't let you breathe after hanging up the phone to your mother, the one who raised you, who doesn't understand why you don't do what he tells you.
I don't know anything about it, but I know it may have happened. I know all of them they do it for your good and for the sake of your son. I know that they do it with good intention, that they love and love you, but I also know that a mother and a father can never, never, never feel alone or misunderstood by their choices when it comes to raising a child. They should not feel judged, or pressured, or with enormous anxiety or drowned by others because, let's see, Whose child is it?
There are mothers (sorry, I focus on them because they are usually them) who are so clear that when you become a mother you are for a lifetime that they assume that control over children should always be maintained. That way they control their sons or daughters even when they already live with their partners and when they have already been mothers or fathers. They become the grandmother and controlling mother who continues to worry about every detail and every issue related to her children and grandchildren and does it for love (and with love).
The problem is that you can control a young child, but when he grows up, when you have already done your job as a mother and have already given him an education, it is difficult, if not impossible, to continue maintaining that control. In that moment, in the moment that your children fly, What must remain is trust.
There are hundreds of women and hundreds of men who live their maternity and paternity with discussions on horseback between the couple and the mother, because "my mother tells me what to do with child A, but my partner tells me that B", and hey, coming home telling your partner that "my mother has told me that we have to do A" is a delicate, very delicate matter. So you, fathers and mothers, understand that the child is yours and you should not be controlled by anyone.
To you, grandmothers, and anyone who is part of the environment of parents with a small child and who is tempted to always advise without having been asked, leave it. Stop controlling, long since they flew, it is absurd to pull the rope. If you pull from time to time you will hinder your flight, if you throw too much, you will drown them.
Photos | storyvillegirl, lucianvenutian on Flickr
In Babies and more | When grandparents get in the way too much, How are nursing women (depending on the eyes they look at), Why is it so difficult sometimes to educate our children (I) and (II)
