His name is Mark Zuckerberg, is the creator of Facebook and, if all goes well, he and his partner, Priscilla Chan, will be parents for the first time Soon, finally.
Finally, because yesterday he shared a status in his Facebook account in which he explained that they are waiting for a girl and surprised many by revealing a secret that he did not have to make public, but that he wanted to share to give visibility, so that it is not a topic taboo, or that it is necessary to hide, and so that the women and men who suffer from it talk about it openly without having to suffer it in silence: before this pregnancy, Priscilla suffered three miscarriages.
A new chapter in their lives
As he explained, Cilla, as he calls her, who is a doctor and educator, and he as creator of the largest online community and self-styled philanthropist, have decided that they will try to make a better world for their daughter and for the next generation.
One way of doing this is by explaining that they had been trying to become parents for two years and that, along the way, they have suffered three miscarriages, and the feelings surrounding those events:
You feel very hopeful when you find out that you are going to have a child. You start to imagine what they will be like and dream of hope in the future. You start making plans and then they leave. It is a lonely experience.
And then he explained that people don't usually talk about it, they don't usually explain it, because you don't want to expose your problems to other people, you don't want them to talk about it, or you, as if you had a defect or as if you were guilty of something. And so, many people suffer in silence those losses.
In today's open and connected world, talking about these issues does not distance us; rather it unites us. These are issues that cause understanding and tolerance, and this gives us hope.
He added how much they were surprised when they started discussing these issues with their friends and saw that something similar had happened to many and that almost everyone had healthy children after all.
We hope that sharing our experience gives more people the same hope we feel and helps more people feel comfortable sharing their stories as well.
And finally he explained that this last pregnancy is advanced enough to consider that the risk of abortion is already very low. Cilla and the baby are healthy and he is very excited at the expectation of finally meeting his daughter.
He says, jokingly, it seems that he will come out to him, because on the last ultrasound he raised a finger of his hand doing a "I like it".
Looking forward to welcoming you, add that they will talk about her again when she is ready to be born and meet everyone.
Talk about miscarriages yes, when you're ready
Zuckerberg says that it is a topic that is usually taken in solitude because you do not want to expose your life, you do not want to feel judged and do not want to feel guilty. My partner and I have not suffered any abortion, but I have been able to realize, over the years, that there are other factors why people do not want to talk about it: It hurts a lot, it's a loss, and not everyone considers it as such.
I do not know how the issue will be treated in the US, perhaps people have more consideration with these issues, but in Spain there are reactions that leave much to be desired. They are involuntary, eye. No one intends to harm, but to help, but the effect they achieve is precisely the opposite. That's why I understand that there are people who don't want to talk about it and that's why I understand that whoever talks about it is because they are prepared for the one that will fall on them.
Explain that you have suffered a miscarriage is very painful, because you are telling that, suddenly, unintentionally, you have lost your baby, not only the one that was brewing and you had not even seen, but the one that was already part of your present and future life. In your mind you had already seen him be born, you were one more, you already occupied a space in your home, you already saw his room, the things you were going to do, the clothes you were going to put on him, the little shoes he was going to wear, the Afternoons in the park, his chubby and soft skin asking for a warm hug after the bath, getting close to his head and smelling it a little before releasing a kiss. What am i going through What am I giving too close and painful details? No ... that is what happens in the head of a woman and a man when he knows he will be a father because I have lived it. I I've thought about all that before being a father, when I was waiting for my children, so if I have thought about it, surely most have done it too.
And it is worth putting a name to all this, verbalizing it, because when you have already built that castle in the air, when you already see yourself as a father and as a mother, when you take it for granted that your life will be that, the reverse that you take to know that your son will not be born is tremendous. Tremendous and painful, as if a part of your life, from your body, was taken from you, as if you lost your dearest being, as if nothing made sense ... and it hurts a lot to explain it because a lot of people don't understand it that way.
Instead of silence, instead of a hug, instead of telling you "how sorry I am, here you have me for whatever it takes", they tell you that "you are young, that you can have more", than "calm down, this happens to many people ", that" do not worry, that you can immediately try to have another ", that" better now, not later "or that" that was wrong and did not have to be born. "
And they allow you a few days, maybe a few weeks of mourning, but no more. You have to be the same again because life goes on, as soon as possible. But no, you won't be the same again, you will never be the same, because a part of your lives is gone that will never come back. The next baby will be perhaps the first, but not really, because before that little boy came who did not succeed.
And if they see that time passes and you keep thinking about it, you run the risk of being alone, because they see you suffer and people can't stand to see the suffering of others. They have taught us to hide, to smile when your life is falling apart and to say "calm, I'm fine" when you're really about to explode. "I'm fine," and minutes later, in a corner, you cry until there are no tears left. And not only that, they see you suffer, but they don't talk about it, they don't tell you anything, because they all still think that "time heals everything", that "it will already pass" and that "you better not get the subject out of it, that gets worse. " When precisely what you need most is somebody get the fucking subject and let you talk, cry, shout at the world that is unfair, that everything is bullshit and that you don't deserve it. And you need to do it one day, and the other too, and those that are needed, receiving the hugs and company of those you love most, and not their absurd phrases full of misunderstanding.
Yes, that Facebook is very good to tell and hopefully it serves for many people to do what Zuckerberg has done, speak it, explain it and receive the "likes" and messages of support from acquaintances and strangers, but in the real world is where the hugs are and where the looks and shelter are, that friend who says "I bring ice cream for two, two large spoons and a box of tissues" and your partner, who loves you like the first day and is clear that It's not your fault, nor your fault, and that together you will always remember your son who did not arrive, when you were already waiting for him.
So until the day you decide to move on, but not forgetting. Find another baby, remembering the love you already felt for the first. Because although everyone wants you to forget, the worst mistake is to pretend and prove them right: "no, I refuse to forget, because he was going to be my baby, and he deserves to be remembered forever. "
There is so much in which we have to advance in this of emotions ...
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | What you should never say to a woman who has suffered an abortion, Transi Álvarez: "Before an abortion do not say anything you would not say if the person who died was the husband," Ana Rosa Quintana says in four minutes everything that should not be said to a woman who has suffered an abortion
