A few days ago I read in Scary Mommy a text from a father who complained about the unsolicited advice of people who don't have children and seeing that most of them had heard me too, I thought about making a similar entry about it.
I think about when I had no children and, really, I wouldn't think of advising parents how to do it with their own. However, there are people who do and, as adults as a result of the authoritarian education that most receive, their advice is usually the inheritance of what they suckled in their homes.
Let's say that it is what many parents were destined to do before becoming parents and that later, little by little, we have avoided doing it because it does not serve us or because we do not feel comfortable doing it. These are the 11 tips from those who don't have children that you can receive And this is how you can respond.
1. "You better leave it in the stroller, right? There in that backpack, don't you give it a lot of heat? Don't you bend your back?"
Answer to give: "Well, the truth is that in the stroller it seems that it cries more; it does not go too comfortable, so here it is calmer. Yes there are moments that go a little hotter, but do not believe that it goes so badly ... the posture It’s the right one because babies’s backs have that shape. As long as the head is up and not following the curvature forward it’s fine. In addition, physiotherapist colleges begin to recommend porting because children develop better physically and psychically. ".
Politically incorrect answer: "Well, if you want to hear him cry like a possessed person right now, I will leave him. In five minutes you will tell me that you have remembered that you had many things to do and you will go home. So you will see."
2. "Why don't you give him a bottle? So he can give it to him ... even I could give him one now and you could do other things"
Answer to give: "I know that breastfeeding is something that only I can do, but it is something I like to do, and it is a time when we are together. I like to feel that it is something that only the baby and I can do. Besides, I suppose that you will know that it is the normal feeding of the babies ".
Politically incorrect answer: "Sorry if I have given you the feeling that right now what I want most is to let you give a bottle to my baby to go to fold socks. I don't give a bottle because I have tits and milk comes out of them."
3. "Why don't you breastfeed? Now they say it's best for children, don't they? That he has more defenses and that ..."
Answer to give: "Well, I tried but it could not be. We had a lot of problems and the baby was just gaining weight ... the truth is that I had a very bad time. But the pediatrician told me that it was better to bottle feed because we could not continue like this."
Politically incorrect answer: "Oh, wow. So is the chest better? I didn't know! For again I ask you ... although I don't really have to explain the reasons why I don't give you a tit. When I want your opinion, I'll do it to know".
4. "But ... why do you ask them what they want to eat? You give them what you have done, period"
Answer to give: "Nor do I ask them what they want in open plan… I give them options. Two or three options, to see what they want most today. So we decide among all what to eat and then, as they have chosen, they eat it a little better. It can be very hard for every day, at every meal, to have them on their nose because they don't want to eat what I've put on, so we are all a little happier in this way. "
Politically incorrect answer: "What did you tell me, that you hated fish? Well, taking advantage of the fact that today you came to eat, I made fish."
5. "You take it a lot in your arms, don't you? Isn't it supposed to be bad because you get used to it?"
Answer to give: "It's really not bad, because babies are totally dependent human offspring. Many dependent animals do not tolerate separation and suffer and cry for the mother to catch them to silence them. It is a survival mechanism because babies do not know if they are born in Spain or in Africa, in moments of peace or in moments of war, and just in case they look for almost constant company, so, in their arms, they are calmer and can develop properly. If I leave her alone she cries, she is stressed, she is all day anxiously fearing for every noise and every unknown stimulus and so he cannot devote himself to learning. "
Politically incorrect answer: "Do you realize that in the four hours you have been in my house my daughter has barely cried? Well, it is not because I have been very lucky or because a very good baby has come out, but because in all this time we have barely released her . It's the arms. The arms. "
6. "Something similar happened to me with my dog, but I got him to know who's the boss"
Answer to give: "Well, I'm glad that your relationship with your dog is now better. The reality is that it is not entirely comparable to the relationship between a father and a son. Dogs are our pets and we educate them to be obedient to all our orders, however, having a totally obedient child can be counterproductive, because he could become an obedient adult, the truth is that it is not my intention to educate future obedient adults, but quite the opposite: adults with their own criteria and desire to fight for a better world".
Politically incorrect answer: "Great, and at what age do you think I could put a muzzle on him? Do I hit him with the newspaper like you did to educate your dog? Do I put him to piss on the tree, poop on the street and sleep on the terrace? ".
7. "Do you really sleep with you? But if you have to sleep in your room!"
Answer to give: "That is what they have told us all our lives, which was something positive for them. However, it is a bit like the arms: children need to feel safe to have a restful and restful sleep. If they sleep nervously, crying , anxiously, because adults insist that they sleep alone, they could rest little and badly, and in the long run it is negative ... Also, he thinks that there are cultures, such as the Japanese, in which children sleep for years with their parents and are not exactly less autonomous than ours, but quite the opposite. "
Politically incorrect answer: "The children have to sleep. Period. That they do it in their room or mine is indifferent, and you do not care in the least. If taking them to their room they sleep worse, I will put them in mine the time it takes" .
8. "And it is not better that you have your toys alone in your room and not that there are toys also here in the dining room? They say that they know what their space is like"
Answer to give: "It depends on what you are looking for. If we are all here, then I put toys here and so I see what he is doing, he feels accompanied and plays more than if I put everything there, where he will not go to play alone."
Politically incorrect answer: "He is a child. The children's space is the place where his parents are and, if he wants, his space can be the rest of the floor, so the toys will go where he is and where we are because we prefer to be together. your house, what is your space? "
9. "Shouldn't you ignore it when you start crying like this?"
Answer to give: "He has a tantrum, a mismatch between his expectations and what he can actually achieve. He is discovering that he cannot have everything he wants to have, and he does not get along. I prefer to offer him my arms so he can calm down and know that I am with even though she can't give him everything she wants. "
Politically incorrect answer: "The next day you call me crying because you have argued again with your partner, I hang you up."
10. "How can you be so tired all day? Well, tell him to go to sleep and that's it"
Answer to give: "Well, even if he fell asleep right now, at night he will wake up one or more times. Add him every day from work, play with him, bathe him, pick up the house, meals, pick up again, baths, washing machines, pick up again , ... This is not as easy as saying something and that happens, I fear. "
Politically incorrect answer: "If this were so easy do you think I would have these dark circles? Do you really think that when night comes I don't tell him to go to sleep? And he goes away? Nooooo… And if he leaves, does he sleep? Noooo. Look , try, tell him to go to sleep, to see what happens. "
11. "Uff, what patience you have explaining things. A good cheek on time and you have it solved"
Answer to give: "Actually, I will be his father for the rest of my life, so as such I think I have the mission of trying not to go the fast way, but to do my best. Of course, if I hit him, he will stop doing moment what he was doing, and maybe he won't do it again, but I don't want to teach him that things are fixed by hurting the other, so that he doesn't hurt others when he thinks he should solve something; and I don't want him to avoid doing what is wrong so that I do not hit it, but that I do not do it because I really believe that I do not have to do it, so not only will I not do it when I am present, but neither will I do it when I am not present. "
Politically incorrect answer: "If then my son gets mad at you and hits you, don't tell me anything ... he will be trying to solve his problem with you in time ... by the way, expert, why don't you look for work as a child psychologist? You have it so clear that I don't know how you don't put your wisdom at the service of parents. "
