Yesterday I started this topic coinciding with the second diaper operation of my oldest son. The intention of these two entries is to explain a bit what the sphincter control is for children and what can we do to help them when they are more or less prepared and to reassure all those moms and dads who see their child You are not progressing on this issue.
When do the sphincters control, maturely speaking?
Throughout my journey as a dad and as a nurse I have encountered cases of children who have had their diaper removed at 16 months (I don't know if it was successful or not) and with children who have had their children removed. 4 years (the least, for the school theme).
It seems that the preset age for this is from two years. It is not that it is an age that nobody has marked as necessary, but that as it is the age prior to entering school, everyone has taken it as mandatory.
You can imagine, therefore, the times we have been asked, with our 3 and a half year old son: "Ah, but still wearing a diaper?"
The question doesn't bother me at all because a "yes, it still doesn't control the sphincters" is, in my view, enough. The problem is that many parents feel the question as a "have you not removed the diaper?", As if it were an educational error or a sign of paternal neglect, when it is a maturation process of the child.
According to studies of Haizea-Llevant psychomotor development, 50% of children control sphincters by day at 30 months (2 and a half years), 75% at 36 months (3 years) and 95% at 42 months (3 ½ years).
Until that 95% it is considered normal that it is not controlled and that 5% that remains does not have to be pathological because the rate of maturation of children is, as we all know, very variable.
In any case, as you can see, until 3 and a half years it can be perfectly normal for a child not to control the sphincters during the day.
There are pediatricians who even they consider normal that a child does not acquire such control until 4-5 years.
Sphincter control has a lot of psychological
It seems to be a basically physical aspect, but it is closely related to the psychological maturation of children.
As they grow and meet 2-3 years they discover that they are people other than mom or dad and that they have the ability to manage the environment (exploring) and internalize things about it, be they learning, emotions or eating food .
In the same way they begin to realize that they can externalize things, such as the same emotions, language and more physically, pee and poop. Thus they begin to realize that the wet diaper and the diaper with poop are not really parts of his body and begin to understand, little by little, that the pee and the poop will separate from him to go elsewhere.
At first they are afraid of that loss of what they consider "parts of their body." Therefore It is recommended to start with a potty where you can sit and touch with your feet on the floor (more adapted to their size, on the other hand) so that they can get up, turn around and know what their body has originated, know where they are going to stop and remain calm when they see that nothing happens to them after parting with “a part of themselves. ”
Can we do something to help them?
Yes, as I said yesterday the school is coming and many parents are going to try to get the child to start controlling the sphincters because they can be helped a little to do so.
We already commented recently what can be done to help them leave the diaper so I will not extend too much, but I do want to leave some guidelines that I consider important:
• Respect their times: We have already said that it is a maturation process, so if we want to initiate control, we are the parents, because they have not asked us to, we must be very respectful.
This means not getting angry, not scolding, not getting impatient and, if necessary, reminding ourselves why we are carrying out such "training" (usually due to social pressure since as we have seen it is normal for a child not to control the sphincters until an age of 3-5 years).
• Allow psychological maturation: Speaking of their milestones, of their advances in other areas and allowing them to gain autonomy in general.
It doesn't make much sense to try to teach a child to control the sphincters by himself if he still wears a pacifier, if we don't let him eat some things with the spoon so he doesn't get stained, if he doesn't drink in a glass, if we don't let him try to dress or undress, etc.
• Talk about the subject: Telling them where their droppings are going to stop, how does dad or mom, animals, know the name of each thing (pee and poop), explain the sensations of being wet or having poop in the diaper, etc.
In short, it is about mitigating your curiosity and answering your questions or naming your feelings. It is not necessary to do a master class on the subject because they will not attend to us and will get bored before starting the second sentence.
• Let you choose where to do it: We must provide you with briefs or panties, comfortable clothes, a potty or a toilet with a step and an adapter if you prefer and diapers.
Making available means informing where everything is and that he decides what he prefers to use. There are children who perfectly control the sphincters but when they are going to poop they ask for a diaper because they feel safer than in the toilet. Others instead wear diapers and ask for the toilet to pee or poop.
What if the thing is not going well?
Many people think that when they decide to remove a diaper, a child enters a point of no return where, whatever it is, he has to end up controlling the sphincters, because putting the diaper back on would be to take a “step back”.
The truth is to take a step back before you must have taken a step forward. If a child to whom we have removed the diaper is still doing it over a while, he does not warn that he is going to do it or that he has done it and in short we are realizing that he was not yet prepared has not been No real progress. There has been no progress, so there can be no setback.
If we realize this, we put the diaper and holy Easter back on. Time will have to be removed again, I assure you.
