We have talked about how important it can be to be able to cement communication with our children in positive for their development and for the welfare of the family now and in the future. The basis of positive communication will be that we are able to understand the reasons for their actions, which arise from a real need.
The nonviolent communication It offers a very interesting approach to expand our resources to exercise paternity in a conscious and respectful way in childhood and after it. Actually, it is a tool that we should be able to use in all our relationships with other people, trying to understand them, put ourselves in their place and convey respect.
Interact with our children
But above all we will need to interact with our children, both for the benefit of family relationships and for them to know how to act in the future in a sociable and kind manner with others. For everything they learn from us is based primarily on the way we interact with them, not on what we tell them to do.
The process of the positive communication It goes through connecting with ourselves, deeply, until cementing a wide-ranging social change even as this form of relationship between people is indispensable for organizations, schools, businesses and public and political life.
I exaggerate? No I dont think so. The way we communicate with children is the basis for their future behavior as adults. If the relationship between people is based on respect, empathy and non-violent attitudes, society itself would make a big change.
Let us return, however, to the conscious parenthood. Human actions are motivated by attempts to cover primary needs, which in addition to the vital and material are also affective.
The acts we perform, consciously or unconsciously, are intended to try to meet those needs and only from the understanding of this reality are healthy human relationships built.
The theory of positive communication
Let's assume, at least now theoretically, these premises. Human actions are intended to meet needs and healthy relationships between people are based on the understanding of the needs that move the other.
Let's apply it to fatherhood. If our way of relating and communicating with our children is based on the unquestionable authority of us as adults and parents, our opinions and desires, our ideas and needs will prevail over theirs.
A change in communication with the childFrom the understanding of the reasons of their actors and respect for their real needs, doing my best to cover and respect them, I will make possible a relationship from compassion and assertiveness. By consolidating this form of interaction we can even contribute to a more peaceful society and, in passing, will grow happier and more confident giving us the possibility of living in a family that is respected and understood, not only that it is wanted despite the tensions or grudges You understand me?
The general opinion
The general opinion that we are going to find is that our baby is a kind of manipulative demon that wants to control us every time he cries if his food and cleaning needs are already taken care of.
We are harassed by the idea that the baby manipulates, controls, tides and, above all, the fear, always present in the parents, of doing things that can harm or spoil it by attending to it too much.
But, if, as I propose, we understand their cries and screams not as an attempt to capricious manipulation but as a legitimate call for us to cover their needs, we will begin, from the first months, to reconcile reason and emotion, and above all, to understand that there are healthy and adequate needs that are neither food, poop or temperature, emotional needs as powerful as the previous ones.
Applying positive communication
We don't judge our baby already. We are going to change the perspective and get out of the dominant ideology. The child does not claim us on a whim, it is not bad, nor incorrect, nor manipulative, nor heavy. It is a baby demanding love and contact. It is not good, either, if it is a calmer baby, who eats and sleeps peacefully. The labels are over, it's time for positive communication.
With the positive communication We don't make judgments about others. In fact, and it really means a great liberation, we don't make judgments even about ourselves. We focus on the needs and causes of the visible manifestations of need, we investigate and make a deep introspection, focusing on putting ourselves in the place of the other.
