So far, you will tell me, all very beautiful. But the reality is that the emotional needs of children and their manifestations, sometimes annoying accompanied by tantrums or disobedience, do not have a preferential place in society. We don't know how to use empathy and positive communication with them, and, if we want to flee from authoritarianism and scourges, we fear falling into complacency and permissiveness.
These fears and doubts, together with an adult-centered social environment that puts the needs of the children of attention and company of their parents in the background before the labor organization and the ideas about the manipulative child, it is inevitable that they have us a little baffled and Not knowing where to go.
Adult-centered
While it is true that now they are spoiled a lot, they are distracted, we kill ourselves to work to give them the best education and we buy them everything they want we lack something fundamental that we give them little, time and mindfulness.
And in addition to the work we receive messages to recover the figure and a life similar to that of the single without children as soon as possible, with the idea that we must prioritize these needs before the manipulative claims of the baby.
One thing is indisputable, babies up to two years, need to achieve optimal maturation, natural and fully happy contact with their parents, especially with mom, as long as possible.
All the ideas that we are going to receive from the environment about the best way to educate children and be ourselves even if we are parents focus in a way adultcentric.
We are told a lot about our needs as women, as men, as a couple, as parents, but we rarely talk about the vital importance of babies' needs: attention, company, permanent physical contact and, whenever possible and with All the support to get it, breast milk on demand.
However, our society and the dominant theories on parenting or education neglect those children's needs, even denying them. In the end, in society and the laws of protection to maternity and paternity, the needs of children are below those of the adult who needs space, free time or greater involvement in huge working hours. We are convinced that nurseries are the great solution to conciliation, when in reality, what families need is to spend more time with our children.
Positive communication to use the time we are together well
We can avoid as much as possible that all this affects us and use positive communication to alleviate difficulties. And, although we are forced for work reasons to spend a lot of time apart, breed from positivity and attachment It will be our wild card to overcome the problems that arise from the lack of time.
That is, if we spend little time with our children, being aware and assertive the time we share will compensate us, at least in part, for the absence, reinforcing the bonds of trust and mutual support.
And although as they grow up they need more space and other people, their need for parental attention and time will remain the most important for their emotional, moral and psychic development.
We may not be able to change the entire social organization or the need to separate to go to work, but we can modify the circumstances in which our children grow and develop, putting again in our mind the idea of the importance that is almost vital , for our children, to have as much time as possible with us.
Time, the longer the better. And when time is not much, at least give ourselves to them and give them true attention to listening and empathic.
And that does not mean that we should be reckless, or let them do what they want without exposing logical limits to coexistence and mutual respect, but we have to give ourselves with commitment to the task of communication from love and respect.
I leave for later the issue of limits, what they really mean and the way in which it is more positive to establish them in family or school coexistence, because it is still something confusing that is usually understood in a wrong way in my opinion.
Reasons to communicate positively
Sometimes, when I see adults fall into obsessive behaviors, jealousy, violence with rage, in bad ways or, even, in addictive behaviors, I seem to see a little boy who was not given everything he needed, a boy who calls mom, and who, unconsciously, tries to fill all that emptiness and loneliness with a consumption of anesthetic things or substances of his grief, tries to reinforce himself by harming others.
To consider the origin of all these behaviors as born of negative communication or detachment in the primary stage or childhood is simplistic, but these situations tend to have a multicausal origin and therapists indicate that the root is hidden in very distant experiences and hidden for the conscious.
These, I think, are powerful reasons to use a positive communication, from empathy and mutual respect, using the knowledge of children's needs to contact them and make them grow safer and happier, which is what, ultimately, their parents want.
