After talking twice about the reconciliation between family and work, following the statements of Sara Carbonero, who said she was conciliating when she left for another country leaving her baby on the ground for a minimum of one week, it is necessary to talk about the conciliation of Parents with work.
There are many, many women who have read Iker Casillas when reading comments about her. I explained it too, because when talking about it they add the "machismo" that they assume is behind. So maybe we should talk parental, what's up with us, of if we reconcile or don't do it or if we could reconcile more.
The parents reconcile very little
We were the first to start working in a salaried way and the woman was in the care of the children. It was like that for a long time and even now it is hard to detach ourselves from that "tradition", for several reasons that I comment below.
We are not used to being the main caregivers
It is not that we do not know or are not capable. In fact, a few days ago we commented that men's brains are capable of changing when they are caring for their children as primary caregivers. However, it is not usually the role we assume. In most cases it is the woman who adopts the role of primary caregiver, after giving birth to the baby, and the parents assume the secondary caregiver that supports the mother and takes care of the baby and plays with him (and whatever it takes), as long as the baby does not claim mom.
Since this is the case, it is usual for the main caregiver to be the person who ends up having to reconcile between work and caring for the baby. Basically because the discharge ends at 16 weeks, when the baby is still very small and still needs his parents a lot, and especially his primary caregiver, usually the mother.
Babies are not socially listed
Having a child is something that gives a lot of joy and happiness and that makes everyone talk about you when it is born, but once it grows up parents should adapt to the rhythms of the baby, but during the day, it is considered that the baby should adapt to that of parents. That is to say, the important thing is work and the baby, although he needs his reference, must adapt by staying with a third person so that his parents can work.
If one of the parents decides to stay with him while he is a baby, he does so at the risk of getting out of the world, losing job opportunities and perhaps receiving misunderstanding from co-workers and family members, who wonder when you will recover your life from before, such as if a baby should not change the rhythms of people's lives. This happens because, as a general rule, Babies don't quote too much on a social level. They are not too important and their needs are considered to be covered if they remain in the care of a family member or in a nursery school. Something like "Why do you stay with your baby? Can't grandma stay? Don't you take him to daycare?"
We all know that babies will be fine with Grandma and they will be fine also in a nursery school, their lives are not in danger. Now, emotionally, attachment level, link level, love level, a baby needs to be with the people he loves most: his father and mother. That is why we parents would like to be able to spend more time with them and be able to carry out a real reconciliation that took into account that, that we want to give them love, affection and time to educate them, because babies want the same thing, that we be the ones who Let's take care of them.
If women trying to reconcile are criticized, imagine men
I imagine that it does not happen in all cases, but many of the women who reduce their workday or who take leave or stop working get to receive looks and signs of misunderstanding from others. On the one hand they talk about them as "they don't do anything" and on the other they talk about babies as "how well the nursery is doing". I repeat, I do not want to generalize, but I have lived it because my wife does not work and takes care of the children. The nursery has told us a few times and that she is at home and does nothing, then too.
If women, who are usually the primary caregivers, are criticized, imagine what would happen if it were a man. Let's see which employer can understand that a worker decides to reduce the day to take care of their children. Let's see what co-worker.
It's no excuse, eye. The world changes normally from below. But social pressure does a lot and is very strong if babies, as I say, are not too important for the whole of capitalist society.
Let's make babies important
If we want men to begin to reconcile their work life with their family life, we should start by get babies to be considered important. The baby of Sara Carbonero and Iker Casillas could be a month without their parents and nothing happens because, as they say, "it will be well taken care of." True, he will not die or go hungry, but emotionally, he will lose his parents. A baby needs to see his loved ones every day, because if you don't see them, you feel that they have abandoned you. Imagine that feeling one day after another, and after another.
But of course, if this seems normal to us, how it will not seem normal for our children to spend 8 hours each day without us. And how it will not seem normal to businessmen, bosses and those in charge, above.
"Do not generalize Armando, many fathers and many mothers had a terrible time leaving our children at home or in the nursery," they tell me often. Well that's normal, feel it for our children, go through it for it, make guts heart, fill our children with affection when we get home and continue complaining that we have to live this way, working father and mother to be able to pay the mortgage, without anything being valued that we have children. Other countries give help, many, just because they are parents. Their work is recognized and they are helped to have them, raise them and educate them. Logical, they are the future of the country. In ours, in Spain, only now matters: and those who come later, let them spread.
To what I was going, we must continue fighting so that babies are considered important, so that it is normal for a mother to reconcile work with her private life to take care of the baby, to receive help for it and that the strange thing is, then, the opposite, to leave the baby without parents eight hours a day . The day this happens, parents can also reconcile, and they may do it more than now because yes, babies are important to society, and how we care for them will greatly depend on their future behavior. We must understand this and think about them all, in the most unprotected of the equation. When we are clear that the ideal is to be with your father or mother, it will be easier for both of you to arrange schedules to be with your baby.
Men also want to reconcile
On more than one occasion I have considered working less and spending more time with my children. But of course, being the mother at home and with my only salary is unfeasible. If she worked I would not drop the rings for doing it. I see many super parents every day involved in the care of their children. Parents who, sure if they could choose, they would work less to spend more time with them. Parents who, if they assumed the role of primary caregiver from the beginning, would surely take leave of absence and would also do the thousand and one to leave the social labyrinth having been able to educate their children. We also know and we also want it to be possible.
Do you ask me about the one in the photo? I dont know. Do not know him. I do not know if he is dejected by not being able to see his son in a few days or if he is as calm as he is "well taken care of." He has not spoken and said nothing. I tell you how it would be in its place: shattered. The most I have been without my children is two days, because I went to a breastfeeding congress in Avila, I missed them a lot, very much. If I didn't see them in a week, or in a month, it would be fatal. But of course, I'm not him. So I don't know if he feels the same as me about being a father, what a baby might need, conciliation and this whole issue.
Photomontage | Armando Bastida
In Babies and more | On neomachismo and the raising with attachment, Mother's Day: being a mother is the best job in the world, quality time and quantity of time
