When we talk about breastfeeding, images of mothers and babies come to mind in perfect harmony and the peace that overflows that image intoxicates you. You want something like that, you want that magical connection with your baby, you want that happiness, you want to be her.
This is what they have been selling us for years. That those moments with your son are magical, and they really are, if everything goes well. But what happens if things do not go as we believe? What is there in the dark side of breastfeeding?
It has been nine months of gestation that have ended in a delivery (more or less long) and finally you are with your baby in your arms, you can see him, feel him, smell him. A new life has begun, you are already a mother and a cluster of hormones and overflowing feelings run through your body.
Now you have a new responsibility, to continue feeding your baby and that you do, you put it to the chest, it is a natural act, he knows how to do it and your instinct should guide you, you have imagined hundreds of times this moment.
But the days go by and something is not going well, something is not going as it says it should go out, what happens? Why doesn't it work for you? Why are you not happy if you were supposed to be?
The idealization of a natural act
We are clear that we have come here thanks to breastfeeding, we are mammals and we are programmed from birth to simply do that, breastfeeding. It is a natural act etched in our genes and as such, normal, like any natural process, is that everything goes well. But it doesn't always have to go well, as every process that happens in nature is not perfect and can fail. And yes, this time it's your turn.
However, instead of being aware that problems may occur, we have idealized breastfeeding to dangerous limits. We have internalized that breastfeeding should be a moment of happiness. I will not deny that there is a special connection between mother and son and that for many mothers they are moments of pure happiness. But what is wonderful for many does not have to be for others.
- Your milk is supposed to be able to feed itself and without external supplements to your child.
- Nature is supposed to be wise and that both you and your child "know" how it has to be done.
- It is assumed that in response to the baby's suction a set of hormones are released that produce a feeling of well-being and happiness.
- As a mother, you are supposed to be able to make all of the above possible, that you must sacrifice for your baby.
- It is assumed…
What happens when everything that should go well, goes wrong
What happens when your child doesn't get enough weight? What happens when your nipples crack and breastfeed becomes an ordeal? What happens when the hours become days and the nights eternal? When instead of feeling love in those moments do you feel obligation? What happens when your child just wants to be on the chest? What happens when there is simply no problem with breastfeeding but you are not happy?
All of the above can disrupt breastfeeding and cause it to be abandoned, it can turn it into a real hell, and as much as you try to convince us, No woman should go through such an ordeal.
Many times, when the problem confers only on the mother, such as cracks, mastitis, lack of sleep or depression, we tend to make it happen as a process more associated with breastfeeding. Perhaps lack of sleep if it is and we can do little about it except to become nocturnal birds, but the other causes are treatable and in many cases have a solution. The problem is that In many cases the means to deal with these problems are unknown. or they are simply not within our reach.
Certified breastfeeding consultants or breastfeeding groups can help with the majority of physical problems associated with breastfeeding, cracks, backaches, breasts, as well as solve many of the concerns that concern us. Many of the pains derived from breastfeeding are due to bad postures when breastfeeding or a bad "hook" to the nipple that a lactation consultant can correct.
The pediatricians and the psychologists They can also help mothers with problems. We have seen how postpartum depression can affect a mother's relationship with her child. Because an important part for the development of the baby is breast milk, but another very important is the emotional state of his mother, which in many of these cases is The great forgotten.
Guilt
The pressure exerted by today's society on mothers is such that having to be forced to abandon breastfeeding or not having been able to implant it successfully generates a feeling of guilt that is difficult to overcome in some cases.
Some women feel like a failure as a mother not to have achieved satisfactory breastfeeding.
Criticism by certain sectors of society, who see the abandonment of breastfeeding as a fault is sacrificed by the mother, without even knowing the story behind each failure, carries more pain rather than already If it is not pleasant for any woman.
Myths about breastfeeding
You cannot breastfeed twins, or with cracks and frenulum, if the child falls asleep with the tit he will never fall asleep without it (there are thousands of associations to treat the addictions to the tit), during the first days your milk is not enough , I do not have enough milk, the shots should be spaced for at least X hours, after a C-section the milk takes longer to rise
And we also have myths created by the "fans" of breastfeeding: Breastfed babies do not get sick, breast milk is good, the best you can give your baby, but it is not a miraculous liquid (although sometimes it seems) and what it offers is "some extra protection" but not total immunity.
Breastfed babies do not need to get vaccinated. Well I'm sorry, they need it like any other.
While breastfeeding lasts, the mother cannot become pregnant. This is only half true and better not tempt fate.
And if I don't breastfeed my son. I'm a bad mother
Let's leave a clear thing, breast milk is the best we can give our child, it is something that has been proven and that is not in doubt, but artificial milk is not bad, it is not the devil nor will your son get one more ear if you feed him like that, it simply is not the same as Good but your son is going to be a healthy child with her.
It seems that now is fashionable for some breastfeeding and for others artificial breastfeeding. Let's see, these are not jeans or a plaid shirt that changes from one year to another. We are talking about the feeding and development of our children, let's leave the fashion for what it is. Fashion would be if for example now you had to tattoo a chest or used bottles with LEDs.
Let's stop judging the first exchange without knowing what story is behind. Being a parent is complicated enough, but being a mother in the first months is much more so. Let's try to help instead of criticize.
In my view, the process should be as follows:
I try to do my best and start breastfeeding. If there is a problem, I try to solve it, if we cannot go to Plan B, without trauma and without feeling worse mothers, we have tried and it could not be. Now the important thing is that we and our son be happy. But we should avoid going directly to step B.
I think that the mother's emotional state should be taken into account, especially the first months and provide specialized health centers for this.
It would also help to normalize a natural act such as breastfeeding and prevent this from being a topic of discussion of gatherings.
