More than a year ago I wrote a post in which I talked about how inappropriate or annoying it can be for some mothers to give birth to their baby, that there is a separation between them, and that it be another person, maybe a grandmother, who picks him up for the first time.
Although many women claimed that it had happened to them and had hurt them, and others agreed that if it happened to them it would also bother them, there were some who did not see it as relevant or important and did not see the problem.
In this of motherhood and fatherhood, as in so many things in this life, there are so many ways to act as people, so some cannot be considered to be more right than others. But I want to explain a recent case, published in the newspaper Mirror, which tells what happened to a recent mother more than a month ago, and that she does not forget yet: After the caesarean section, her mother-in-law took the baby before her.
His mother-in-law is a doctor
Perhaps the first mistake was to give birth to the same hospital where his mother-in-law works. But he also never considered that everything would end that way, because he had already talked with his partner about the subject and they had agreed that during the first day they would not receive any visits. So they could have all those hours to welcome the baby, get to know each other little by little, and from the tranquility begin to provide the logical care and feeding.
But nevertheless, the delivery was complicated and ended in caesarean section. They took her to the operating room and her husband, shocked, decided to notify her mother for some support.
Once there, instead of behaving as mother and mother in law, he used his worker card to enter "to the kitchen". In there, she could see how the professionals who attended her told her mother-in-law what had happened and how they had acted; as if it were a relationship between doctors, offering private information.
As he explains, nobody asked if it could happen, or if they could explain that personal medical information. And obviously, nobody asked if it seemed good that he could take his baby.
When leaving, the baby was with her
Nine months of waiting, of illusions, of hope, of how it will be, when it will be, what it will feel like in that first hug, what will happen when after being born they finally know each other, mother and baby, and look at the eyes, and when you're finally going to catch it you find that that first hug has already been given by another person, and that has not even been your husband, who would still have forgiveness.
That first hug was given by his mother-in-law, and by how it is explained in the news, it seems that they did not have a very good relationship. Although eye, it's just my perception. Maybe they do and just felt that that moment should be his, who deserved it after so many months and a very hard birth; and she stole it forever, because the first hug cannot be recovered.
Now you will have to learn to live with it, and although it still hurts, learn to overcome it. Do what we do all the people in this world, which is relativize. To think that it could have been all worse, that there is no reason to complain when there are women suffering much more in their births, although being clear that as little as it was, she thought it was much, and more when her confidence was betrayed.
Thus, she complains about her husband, complains about her mother-in-law and complains about the professionals who allowed her, without being a maternity professional, to enter, receive confidential information and fuck the baby before his mother.
Is it for so much?
Well I do not know. As I said at the beginning, it is likely that in the comments you tell us that yes, that your mother-in-law should not have done that, or that no, that it is not a reason to get that way. I am one of those who think that Respect at that time is fundamental in every way.
We are talking about a woman who is being a mother and a baby who is coming to the world. Is a very important moment in the life of the two, both physically and psychologically, and the first moments can somehow mark people's lives.
What less to promote that the mother is the person who attends, before anyone else, to her baby. What less than putting it on his chest, skin to skin, so that I can finally smell it, kiss and hug. What less to make him feel that, although the umbilical cord has already been cut, it still unites them an invisible cord called love and responsibility.
That "Hello little one, welcome to the world, I am your mother and I will take care of you forever, because I have just discovered the greatest love that can be felt by someone ... that one that I already felt before I met you and that now has just multiplied by a thousand". That cord is called emotional bond and the ideal is to promote it from the first second of mother and the first second of son.
Arriving and finding your baby in your mother-in-law's arms may be the opposite of what we just explained. Of course, love is there and the bond will be created; but pain, the emotional wound, may be more important than it seems because it is difficult to explain that a woman who has been a mother is not able to understand that it was his daughter-in-law who deserved that first contact with her baby.
Photos | iStock
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