No, it is not necessary to have a "conversation" ... because a one-day talk is not enough: what we must provide is a good sex education since they are young.
But we are not going to deny that the arrival of adolescence, or even of its previous ones (that wonderful preteen), is an especially relevant time when it comes to sexual matters. What to tell them and how to do it can generate doubts: How to talk about sex with our teenage children?
Why is it important to talk about sex with our teenage children?
There are so many answers to this question that I would need twice as much space to include them all. The two main ones are:
Reduce the rate of risky sex: A good sex education that includes the issue of contraception correlates with a greater use of condoms and therefore a lower risk index.
It favors a positive attitude towards sex: This, contrary to what many believe, is not "inciting to have sex", is to ensure that the approach to them is healthy and positive. Teenagers are going to have sex, they are going to think about sex, they are going to investigate about sex ... pretending not to do it is somewhat absurd. So since they are going to actively start their sex life ... isn't it better that they do it with information, seeing it as something positive and not something to be ashamed of or hide from?
These two reasons in turn are fed back, because if we have a teenager with a positive attitude towards sex, he is more likely to have safe relationships because he feels comfortable with it, because he knows what needs to be done to make it safe, because it is less volatile to pressure ...
What they don't learn from you they learn from porn ... among other things
Traditionally, the "sexual education" of young people came from peers, from friends: the first to do something told the others ... And as you will understand, I put in quotes about education because ... no, it was not.
Gradually sex education was entering educational centers and homes, and with that we all won. However, there are still many who do not have access to this education. What they do have is curiosity, so that the answers to many of your questions are sought in ... porn.
Access "without control" to Internet (Note that I say access, not its existence) makes our teenagers also have "uncontrolled" access to porn. Yes, young people before also had magazines and their VHS, but with Internet access is virtually unlimited. The problem? That without a sexual education behind what they learn from sex they do it from porn, assimilating as real the model of sex and relationships that it sells. And with this we can have a problem.
We are clear then that we must talk to them about sex, right? Now how do we do it?
How to address the issue
Let's not make an event of it. Telling them the famous phrase "we have to talk" will only make them feel uncomfortable, perceive that we are also uncomfortable, and that the issue we are going to deal with is ... taboo. Nor is it that in the middle of dinner, after a "pass me the salad" we explain how to put the condoms, but it is recommended that you talk about the topic in a casual way.
Trusted framework: they have to feel comfortable talking to us, they have to trust us. And how is this achieved? Working since they are almost babies. For a good sexual education we must encourage him to tell us his sensations and feelings, that they themselves express their doubts ...
And in this same line ... Don't make sex a taboo subject: We must talk about it naturally, in the same way that we talk about other things such as food or road education.
Defining. It is interesting to define with them, in order to have healthy, sexual or non-sexual relationships, what do they understand by falling in love, by desire or by passion. In adolescence (and in many cases also in adult life) we confuse these concepts, and sometimes we go wrong for it.
Contraception. This is what we cut most often to daddies, but it is essential. They must know the different contraceptive methods, their pros and cons, and be absolutely clear that only the condom protects you from sexually transmitted diseases.
Availability. It is important that they have condoms on hand. Will this make you have more sex? No, it will make them have the same, but for sure. To many the shame of buying condoms leads them to or not to use them, but if they know that there is at home ... In the bathroom, in a common space, it is a good place for us to have some at your disposal.
Expectations. As I said before the image that many teenagers have of sex is what they see in porn. Hence, it is also interesting that we provide them with a realistic idea of sexual relations.
See your comments. An important part of the sexual education that we provide to our children is not intentional, that is, it occurs without our noticing, with our behavior, our comments ... Look at how you talk about the subject when it comes out in a movie, for example, if you get tense ... all this is transmitting information about it to your son.
Respect: let's instill respect for them, towards others ... and respect them too. They have the right to privacy, let's not be invasive.
And if you don't know something ... nothing happens, tell your child as is and look for the information together. This will unite you, which is an extra.
Peace of mind, which does not need to be an expert in sexology, just be natural, learn a little and want to accompany our children on their way to sexual maturity. He can cut, but he passes quickly and is so positive ... Come on!
Photos: Pixabay.com
In Babies and more: The relationship between parents and daughters has changed: now they talk to them about sexuality and relationships
