Because someday your little one will stop being. Because one day he will fall in love and have a partner. Because despite your years, you will always want to be as happy as possible ... there are things about relationships worth knowing that our children know.
For all this I leave this article for your child in the future, a text about love and relationships in which I collect many of the things I see often in consultation with the couples I work with.
Choose your reasons well
The first thing I want to tell you, son, is that you come to love from freedom, from pleasure and fun, not from the need. Love has to add, enrich, complement ... not save.
When we seek love because we need the other, because we need someone to prevent us from drowning or because we cannot stand loneliness, we are building the worst possible pillars for a relationship.
The need puts us in an unequal position, from which we are not as free as we should to decide, to give, to ask ... The need makes:
- Let's move with things that we would not tolerate under normal conditions (If I need you I cannot reproach you for this or that, because I cannot allow you to leave me).
- Let's put our partner in a pedestal, magnifying the good and avoiding the negative, so we will not have a realistic view of it.
- Let's press and demand more than perhaps the other can give us, which is nothing fair.
- The relationship is impoverished and it is, almost certainly, bound to fail: if the two members do not contribute, if instead of adding, we lag behind, hardly (or at least not in a healthy way) the relationship will survive.
Respect must be the norm
In a couple communication can fail, coexistence can go wrong, there may be no passion ... but What you can't miss, son, is respect: It is the red line that we should never cross.
Why? Because once it is passed it is very complicated to go back, in fact it is often a point of no return. Because even though we ask for forgiveness (and even if they forgive us) disrespect leaves an imprint, a mark, which is hardly erased. It will be a ghost that flies over your relationship for a long time.
You may be angry, that you argue and that at that moment you don't even remember why you are still together (sometimes it happens, son), but don't cross that line, because you will regret, insurance.
In the heat of the discussions, we sometimes say things that we don't really think, so try to think before you speak. And if you notice that it has gotten out of hand, you better leave it, stop, and resume the conversation when you are both calmer.
You owe respect to your partner, as to all people, but more, because it is someone with whom you have a relationship, with whom you have shared intimacy, fears, desires ... It is someone who for all that is much more vulnerable to your words than anyone.
When we attack our partner, when we say that not to say, we are doing much more harm than we think: because precisely those hurtful words come from us, from someone who has hugged, dear ... not from an unknown person.
If you are not well, if there is no way to communicate, look for a professional to help you or think about the real viability of your relationship, but no, NEVER, disrespect.
Do not miss the opportunity to tell beautiful things
My grandfather used to say that "what is not said is not known," and he was right. You may think that your partner knows perfectly that you love her (and how much you love her), but son, there is never a “I love you”, nothing happens to make it clear, on the contrary.
Evidently with our behavior we show each other our love, that is clear, but we humans need that extra, that shine that makes us hear that they love us. And he who does not know that he needs to imagine a life without beautiful words ... Sad, right?
In addition to the "I love you" tell her those things you like about her or him, what he has done today without realizing it but that you have loved it, tell him how wonderful it seems to you how he hugs your son, or the grace that he does to you when you see how a mess is made trying to put on the shirt, which was turned upside down, Without turning it around.
Life takes us to the routine, to a bland loop in which it is easy to fall, and these things, the beautiful thing is the key to give day to day light and maintain, with it, the spark in our relationship.
So I, son, encourage you to look for someone who makes you happy, who loves you for who you are and who you become every day, someone who wants to walk with you and support you ... without needing you, Someone with whom you laugh and whom you respect above all things.
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