“Then I took it in my arms, felt how it moved in them and snuggled, as if seeking to adapt to me and looked at me with those big eyes. I put my hand close to his and he held my finger tightly, as if he didn't want to let me go again and then I knew it. I knew that the most wonderful thing in the world had arrived and that the tears that fell down my face were not the result of fear or doubt, but of the most absolute happiness. ”
This paragraph, or a very similar one, was engraved in my mind the day my first child was about to be born. I had heard it in a movie (I don't even remember which one), and I thought it was something beautiful that maybe I would live one day.
That day finally arrived more than four years ago now and, being sincere, neither chiribitas nor violins and, if I am even more sincere, not even tears, and that I thought I would cry, that I am tear more or less easy. Now I go into detail, but in the meantime go thinking the answer: What did you feel when you saw your son for the first time?
"There you have your son"
She was born by caesarean section and her mother was taken to the unit of Revival, leaving Jon dressed in the clothes we wore for him in the same room where he was born.
"There you have your son, you can go with him," they told me. I entered a messy room, with sheets and carvings stained with blood on the floor and without any crib or "container" in which there could be a baby. I thought they were wrong, that my son was not there, however I noticed that at the back of the room, in a corner, a lamp lit a jumble of clothes that seemed to move.
I approached and there he was, under the heat of the clothes, the blanket and the lamp on. "Wow, these clothes are too big for you, uncle," I thought.
And nothing was like in the movies
I took him in my arms, pulled the blanket from his face and there I saw him for the first time. I thought I would feel something, a call or a signal, something that would show me that this was my son, that we were united by invisible bonds ... however nothing like that happened. I brought my finger to his hand to grab it and he did it. I loved feeling his little hand with those long, thin fingers hugging mine and I watched his bruised nails before looking back into his eyes and talking to him: "Jon, handsome, I'm dad ...".
Do not Cry. I thought I would do it but I didn't. I noticed a slight moistening, but not enough to create a tear. Then I realized that I loved having my son in my arms, but that the ties I expected to exist as something mystical that joined us were not there, or at least I didn't feel them.
In my arms I had my son, because they told me it was him. That day we formally introduced ourselves: "Jon, I'm dad." That day began a new relationship of love, friendship, companionship, respect and, of course, a relationship between father and son.
Little by little, day by day, with every smile, every diaper, every tear, every hug and every game, the bonds were created to the point that, just talking about him, makes me feel emotions that I keep only for him.
“The day I met you I didn't feel anything special, however, now I feel, and with intensity, everything I expected to feel the day you were born. ”
Photos | Katie Tegtmeyer, Jon Ovnigton on Flickr
In Babies and more | Frequent doubts in the first week of life of the newborn, What happened the day your baby was born: gift for a newborn
