A few days ago we started talking about a situation that sometimes occurs after crying, the vomit, that in specific circumstances there are those who attribute it to a need to attract attention or to manipulate parents.
One of those circumstances is the night, when some parents, following the advice of behavioral methods by authors such as Ferber or Estivill, decide to leave their child alone in the crib to sleep on their own, going only at certain times. Some children accept nocturnal loneliness, but there are others who do not and who immediately let them know crying.
If crying doesn't get an answer the child often throws up and in this situation the behaviorists comment that nothing happens, that they do it to get attention and that there is nothing to do but change the child and point and professionals like the psychologist Rosa Jové argue that vomiting comes from a combination of hormones in the baby's brain in a situation not recommended.
As you can imagine, it is easier for me to believe the version of Rosa Jové, documented in her book with bibliography that supports it than the Ferber and Estivill version, without reference to any study, that they remain with a simple “calm, that does not nothing happens". And I believe it because if many parents already doubt and have a bad time (some even cry) when they see their child crying alone in a room, imagine the feeling they experience when the child vomits and the most they should do is clean it up as someone who washes the car.
AdvertisingI'm sorry, but “calm that nothing happens” is not a phrase that calms me or gives me any message. A boy with his face disengaged, with tears that bathe his face and his little pijamita, with drool and mucus that accompany them and with his feet and sheets full of vomit to me personally I don't think it's a child who is having a good time, I don't think anything happens to him and, above all, I don't think it's normal.
A third cause
To those already cited above by both authors I add a third cause to explain why children get to vomit after crying and it's crying. Children when they cry make noise, a lot of noise. It's almost like screaming constantly, basically because crying exists to get the attention of caregivers (if the crying doesn't ring, nobody would come). When a child cries and the crying lengthens over time, the throat ends up getting sore, so much that there are children who have just been so apologetic of crying.
As you all know in the back of the throat we have areas that when stimulated cause nausea and finally vomiting. Well, when a child cries to the point that irritates the throat, coughing begins to occur as a defense against such irritation (the body thinks that there is something in the throat that should be taken out) and if the situation continues, with more crying (more irritation) and more cough (more throat stimulation), the child ends up vomiting.
Calling attention?
I really doubt it. I really doubt that a child will cause vomiting to get the attention of parents, since as we have seen, when a child has a great dislike, and being alone at night in his room is for many, he can vomit easily.
In any case, even if he did it expressly, even if he did it to become sick and get the attention of the parents, this should not be treated as Estivill, Ferber and many other professionals tell us, ignoring the child, but assessing why a young child is coming to use such an unpleasant resource as vomiting to get his parents to listen to him.
Do many professionals recommend ignoring the child?
Yes, although it seems a lie yes. In that almost urgent need to bend children and show them who has the last word, many professionals recommend ignoring children if they use vomit to get something.
In a simple search conducted in Google about the vomiting and the night I found a professional, the medical director of the Child Sleep Unit of the Quirón clinic in Valencia, to be more exact, answering a mother about a question about when to go to sleep and vomiting of a child (you can read it here). This professional responds as follows:
The attitude he has in front of the dream is negative because he does not want to separate from you, the vomit represents his anger, it is nothing more than a tantrum. Therefore, you must act the same as you would before a tantrum: ignoring negative behavior.The way to ignore negative behavior is to ignore while doing something inappropriate. In this case the way would be to not pay attention while vomiting and when finished, without making any comments and without speaking to him at any time, without looking at his face and without contemplation, picking up the vomit, cleaning it, changing it and putting it in the crib. saying: "See you tomorrow."
Once again, they stay at the tip of the iceberg
A tantrum, a cry and a vomit can be indicative that there is a mismatch between a child's wishes and what we expect from him. If this behavior occurs several times, several nights, there is undoubtedly a problem that will not be solved by "passing the child."
The child will stop doing it, stop vomiting and stop crying because he will learn that there is no reason to complain, if he will not get an answer, however He will not stop feeling alone or stop feeling abandoned because his parents will not have connected with his contact needs and his need to feel accompanied and safe at night.
In other words, if a child vomits, we should not ask ourselves what to do so that he does not vomit, but look for the root of the problem and inquire until he knows why he vomits, what is the feeling or emotion that leads a child to cry to the point of becoming stiff, decomposed, cry to exhaustion and end up vomiting. The answer is usually not "because he wants to get something at all costs to challenge you", but because he wants to get something that his human nature asks for: Share space, security and time with the people you trust.
Summarizing
Everyone in his house who does what he wants, but personally I think it is very sad to teach a 6-month-old baby (or later), that he does not need to call his parents at night because they will not come. And even sadder is that the child cries and throws up and doesn't get an answer from the people who in theory love him most.
Imagine what should an adult do to get to cry until runny and even vomit. Surely you can think of few benevolent things and surely you would not like to be in their skin.
