I think there is no adult in the world who likes lies. We are always looking for the truth of things and we all agree that interpersonal relationships work best when there is trust and sincerity.
That is why many parents often say to their children that well-known phrase: “the worst thing is not that you did it, but that you lied to me” and the most curious thing is that parents lie a lot in our day to day serving many times our way of acting as example for our children, who end up lying too.
Next we will see what makes children tell lies:
Imitate adults
As I said adults lie a lot and we often do it in the presence of our children. Call by phone and say that we cannot go to an event because our son has become ill and the child realizes that it is not true, to say that you limp because you have hurt yourself by playing sports when you have done it by going down a few simple stairs (because you are in low form) and explaining things exaggerating when the child knows the official version of the facts are some examples of this.
To please someone or not hurt him
Too we lie a lot to adults in relationships with familiar people who are not of our full trust (and sometimes also with people who do trust us but who we don't want to hurt).
There are people who say the truths and as they usually say "the truths offend". They are people whom you thank for their sincerity on many occasions, but on other occasions you prefer not to be around because you know what they are going to tell you.
Children tend to listen carefully to the conversations of adults and as they grow they realize more and more of our lies, especially because afterwards we usually talk about the people we meet: "Hi Marta, you are great" ... "Today I saw Marta… don't see how spoiled she is! ”
Another very clear example is when we say that a gift we love to later, at home, say that it is horrible.
To get attention because he feels under-served
Some time ago we talked about something like this on the blog, so I put you to those entries to have a more complete perspective. Summing up a little, Some children who feel unattended or unloved end up resorting to lying to get the recognition or attention that they normally do not get. This is achieved by inventing diseases, explaining that they have been harmed or telling stories that have happened to them in school with their friends, becoming the protagonists or explaining incredible things with the intention of achieving our surprise and admiration.
To avoid punishment
We have also talked long and hard about punishments, being our position contrary to its use (and at least I have not done anything wrong to date). The reason for rejecting punishment as an educational method is that you end up getting the child against the punisher (father or mother), because punishments usually generate discomfort and anger and that many children end up trying to avoid punishment, not behaving like others expect them to behave, but avoiding being hunted. That is to say, doing those things worthy of punishment, but secretly hiding the authorship of the facts (sometimes even when you've seen them do it: "I haven't been!").
For vanity or with the intention of liking others
It could be a little related to the need to receive attention, although this point may be associated a little more with those children who have a little low self-esteem (which is usually a consequence, among other things, of the lack of attention of their beings dear)
Self-esteem is something like self-perception within a social environment. How I see myself when I am with others and how they see me. If I feel loved, if I feel heard, if I feel important to others, ...
Unfortunately, the self-esteem of children and adults is too related, nowadays, to behavior and achievements rather than to existence itself. Many parents show their utmost affection when their children get good grades, when they are first in something, when they have behaved well somewhere, when they have been obeyed, etc., but love cannot be just that, because children do not they always obey (nor should they do so if they want to become adults with judgment), because they will not always get good grades (who likes to study what they do not like?) and because most likely they are not always the first (some they win and others lose).
When children grow up, self-esteem ends up forming (the thing gets worse), in addition to the achievements, for what you have managed to have: “my friends want to come to my house to play because I have the latest model console”, “my friends they want to be with me because I have a Hanna Montana bike ”and, in general, the interior, the character, the values, the feelings, the wishes of the children, that for which they should be valued, goes to the background.
That's why many children end up inventing stories ("I also have a house on the beach and there I have a last model console") and they end up inventing achievements ("Dad, today I was the first one in ... and the lady has given me a prize" ), precisely, so that others take them into account ("you have so much, so many vouchers").
For not being able to distinguish between reality and fiction
Some children are not able to distinguish between what is true and what is invented. In this case, different as you see the rest, children should receive professional attention Because they are not aware of the lie.
Concluding
If you realize most of the reasons that lead children to lie come from the good or bad work of adults. They see us lying to other people and, what is worse, we lie to them often and they, who are not stupid, realize ("a liar is hunted before a lame man").
We tell them that the little machine on the street is not going to move because it does not work and seconds later a child is enjoying his movement, we tell them that "do not cry, that they will not do anything to you" in the visit to the nurse and seconds later They are giving a vaccine and we tell them many other things whose truth appears right away. If in the end it is our fault because we lie fatally!
Well, with such an example and in a world where most children spend less time with their parents than they would normally expect, they occasionally lie. I do not know if it is desirable or not, perhaps to maintain the social order it is necessary that they learn to lie so as not to hurt others (not always, of course), but normal that happens, for me if it is, behaving as we do adults, we are their referents.
