Young children adapt very easily to new situations. They are very flexible, it is true, but that does not prevent them from feeling significantly affected when a child separates from his best friend.
Children are very easy to make friends. By sharing games, relationships between them are strengthened, and childhood friendships are often burned to the ground. But what happens when that little friend with whom he played daily in the park, in the nursery or his neighbor, whom he loved so much, leaves?
Due to life's circumstances, parents make decisions that also affect our children, such as the change of school or address, causing them to lose friends that may have meant a lot to them.
From one day to the next, friends move away and stop seeing each other. That loss, of course, has an impact on the lives of the two children.
When my oldest daughter was five, two years ago, she separated from her best friend. They had known each other since they were born, they lived close to each other, they saw each other frequently and were great playmates during the first years of their lives.
There was complicity, empathy, loyalty and a lot of shared experiences. One day, due to personal circumstances, his parents decided to move to another country. Logically, the boy left with his family and the little ones stopped seeing each other.
My daughter suffered a lot. They say that when a young child loses a friend, he suffers this loss as an adult who suffers the death of a close friend. We tried to help her cope with her pain by accompanying her and preparing her for her departure, and promising to maintain contact with the child after he left.
But even so, even if sometimes we wanted to, we can't help them pain, and for my daughter it was the first great loss of his life. His first setback.
Reactions of the child who loses his best friend
The boy feels a great sadness at the loss of his best friend. It is one of the biggest emotional detachments that a child can live after weaning and separation from the mother.
His friend is no longer when he goes to school, nor is he in the park like every afternoon to play with him, nor is he there to share hours of games and laughs. It is normal for the child to feel sad, discouraged, confused, irritable. Even sometimes you can become aggressive, rebellious, lose your appetite or have sleep disturbances.
When they are a little older, it is normal for them to think they will never meet a new friend or have such a good time with someone again.
Another possible and usual reaction is the anger. He feels angry about something he has not been able to control. By decision of others, in this case his parents, the child has had to go to another city or another country.
Anger is a feeling that usually accompanies sadness. He feels helpless before the loss of a person who meant a lot to him and with whom he had a close bond for some time in his life.
How to help the child overcome the loss of a close friend
Days before the child leaves, it is important prepare the other child for departure. As much as we think that it is better not to suffer the farewell, it will be worse if one day he gets up and his friend is gone.
Announce it in advance It will give them time to get the idea and say goodbye as they please. Maybe a special outing or a farewell party is a good idea.
It is also an excellent opportunity to talk with the child about the value of friendship and take advantage of separation to rescue a positive teaching: the importance of maintaining friendships.
Whenever possible try to keep in touch with the child who has left and his family is essential for the "loss" to be relativized. Although it is no longer present, you can have a fluid relationship through letters, mails, telephone or videoconference (for these cases it works very well). You can even make joint visit or travel plans in the future.
Anyway, it is not healthy that the child is "hooked" to the friend who has left. While maintaining contact with the former, it is positive to encourage him to make new friends.
When a child separates from his best friend It is a bitter drink, but in these cases the support and understanding of the parents is essential to be able to overcome it.
Photos | shawnzrossi and joyseph
In Babies and more | Protection factors against childhood depression
