I have commented many times and I will continue doing it for the rest of my life: children need to spend time with their parents and, if it were for them, the more the better.
The parents are their referents, those people who, as a result of love (normally), made them reach the world and those who expect love, love and time, because they know (or maybe if they don't know, they feel it), who love is demonstrated, above all, with kisses, hugs and with friction, much friction.
It is for this reason that when children feel that something is missing in their relationship with parents, they look for ways to approach them. They start with a "dad, come play with me", "look what I can do" and similar and They end up, if they don't get what they want and need, accepting mischief as an approach mechanism.
It is for this reason that I say that "bad" children need "good" parents.
We see in the vignette of the always incisive Lighthouse to a child who, neither short nor lazy, destroys the house by cutting down a tree. The mother defines the situation perfectly with a “your child is demanding attention”, which is usually the reasoning that is harder for parents to do.
When our children begin to mess it up, when they begin to misbehave, many parents see a power struggle, a rash of rebellion on the part of the son who tries to impose his wishes or his lack of limits, even his authority on ours, as if They would like to tell us that "hey, that I also send here!"
Given this situation, the usual thing is that adults, who grew up controlled by our parents, who went to school controlled by teachers, who started to work controlled by our bosses and who lived controlled by our debts, think that “what I lacked: Now my son gets on my hump ”and that“ I don't pass through here ”.
It is a logical reaction. It is simple reasoning: my son breaks the rules, is misbehaving, is a bad child that must be corrected. Doing this does not make you a bad father or a bad mother, because you are only doing what you have learned, what you have suckled since childhood and what you are still seeing now. It is the automatic consequence for many years.
Surely more than one can explain it because it happened to you as I tell it: a child was doing something and the correction came in the form of punishment or in the form of a capon, as Faro says, and ready, the child behaved again civically.
The problem is that capons and punishments are revenge, stronger or milder, but revenge after all: "you have done this to me, because I do the other to you", "you have made me angry, because I will make you angry ”,“ you have done this for the bad, because I will also teach you for the bad ”.
Thus, between anger and re-anger the only thing we get is a child who behaves as we want with one of those processions that go inside, that both a time bomb can be about to explode and can be an iron shell that covers spontaneity or even the ability to love and feel loved, and this for life.
So when a child does mischief, when a child is "bad", the ideal is that "good" parents appear, not of those who laugh at the graces or misfortunes of their children, but of those who instead of focusing on the concrete act, instead of looking at the tree over the house and providing a punishment of equal dimensions, try to go further and They look for the root of the problem. One of those who say to themselves: how bad I have to be doing to get my son to behave like this so that I pay attention to him.
These are the best parents, who when a child seems to deserve more punishment decide to look for the root of that childhood rage, of that frustration and of an anger of a little person who, even knowing that a good reprimand awaits him, prefers to receive the Attention from their parents for the bad things they live feeling invisible.
