A couple of days ago I talked to you about how we can help our children tolerate and learn from the frustrations that will inevitably occur throughout their childhood.
Now, something essential to help them is to recognize the causes of frustration in children, to know how to identify the reason that causes them. Recognizing them will help you better understand your children. The key is to put a lot of love, patience and left hand so that they manage to overcome them and get them a teaching.
On the road to your own independence you will experience situations that you cannot control and will create frustration. Many of them can be avoided, but others will inevitably appear in your path. Frustrations are caused by unmet needs or impulses and are part of the normal growth of the child. They can become teachings, but too many frustrating experiences can damage your self-esteem and waste time and energy in outbursts of rage.
A very interesting classification of child frustrations according to the causes that cause them It is what makes Penelope Leach, child psychologist and author of several books on parenting. Go for it:
Frustration caused by adults
When the child wants to do something and adults prevent it, it is frustrating for him. Adults, and to a greater extent parents, can frustrate a child very easily. preventing you from doing those things that you think are not right or should not do.
The question is, is it so serious to let him do what we stop him? If it is dangerous for the child, such as the example of the fingers on the plug that we explained in the previous post, of course we will prevent it even if it gets frustrated and cries, because the consequences of putting the fingers in the plug are very serious. But many other times we say "no" because it doesn't suit us, frustrating children for no reason.
Children, by their own immaturity, are not able to tolerate too much frustration. A child constantly pressured, tyrannized and controlled feels surrounded, without freedom to act, and will become defensive by reacting with bad behavior.
But nevertheless, small doses of frustration make them grow. If they have the support and affection of the parents to overcome them, the frustrations become a positive teaching, the child learns from them and is strengthened to risk experiencing new frustrations.
The key is to try to avoid unnecessary frustrations and support them when inevitable frustrations arise.
Frustration caused by other children
Young children are still unable to put themselves in each other's place. A child does not take away toys from another because of evil, but because he is interested in the toy and is unable to understand the feelings of the other child. The most dominant will keep the toy and the other child will cry.
Children are self-centered by nature.. Childhood is a stage in which the child is self-centered, and it is normal. This would seem like a sign of selfishness in adults, in children it is part of their growth.
He cares about himself, and it is not bad that this is because he is developing his own self-esteem and personality and needs to reaffirm. The toy he likes will be for him, because he only thinks of him, at least until three or four years old when they start to socialize and interact with other children in a more empathic way.
From that age, his egocentric vision of the world around him begins to expand and he cares more for the emotions of other children.
But social skills develop with practice, it doesn't happen overnight, and they need us in that practice. Therefore, parents should guide them to help them better tolerate frustrations caused by other children and act as mediators of conflicts, always through love and helping them find a peaceful solution.
Frustration caused by objects
The child begins to discover that there are things he cannot do for himself, such as putting a sock on his own or fitting a piece into a puzzle, and this often causes him frustration. Objects, as with people, they don't always behave as he wants.
His maturity, coordination and strength often play tricks on him. However, the frustrations that the child experiences with objects they are very educational. It is in the exploration, in the perseverance of the attempts that the child manages to understand the world around him better and better.
Without a doubt, it is a form of learning. Start discovering the things you are capable and unable to do.
When the frustration caused by the object Overflow it is necessary for adults to intervene by offering their help. It does not mean doing things for him, but giving him a little help that will allow him to succeed in his endeavor.
Returning to the example of the sock: it makes no sense that we put them on, because that way he will not learn to do it alone and will continue to get frustrated every time he tries. It is enough to help you a little (passing the heel is what most often costs them) no matter what ends with the turned sock and one of each color.
Frustration caused by age or size
It is a frustration that appears when the child fails to do something that It demands more than you can offer for your age or size. It is still too small to do things that older people do such as pouring water, opening the door or riding a bicycle. He is not aware of that disability and feels disappointed at not getting it.
That is why it is so important to offer you the right toys for your stage of development. Children learn through toys, so not only will they not take advantage of a toy for older children, but it will cause frustration.
Everything we put at your fingertips should adapt to your abilities, both physical and mental, and to your stage of growth. The child has to feel capable, strong and powerful in his little world.
Conclusion
Having listed the causes of child frustrations according to the reasons that cause them, and to close the issue of child frustrations, I leave as a conclusion the comment made by a faithful reader of the blog, Alicia Navarro, on our Facebook wall. I liked it so much that I want to share it with you:
"How interesting! When I saw a child get furious and misbehave for not getting what he wanted, I thought he was a spoiled child and used to being given everything. But I see no, that it is rather the opposite, Too much frustration. "
Photos | PinkStock Photos! and platinumblondelife on Flickr In Babies and more | Child frustrations: how to help our children, Excessive crying in childhood could lead to behavioral problems
