The Father's day and taking advantage of the celebration I wanted to talk a little about the types of parents that exist. We have already talked about those wonderful parents that any child would like to have and those parents who, invisible, are barely with their children.
The third group of parents, which we could perhaps place in the middle between the other two types of parents, would be formed by those parents who have not evolved, who continue to do what they have done throughout their lives and have no problem doing with their children what their parents did with them.
They are perhaps the easiest to define because they follow the parenting philosophy followed by the parents of our generation, more participatory than invisible parents, but more straight, disciplinary and uncompromising than those I defined as wonderful parents.
This has been done a lifetime
One of the mottos of these parents is the one that says that "this has been done throughout our lives and nothing has happened to us", a phrase that every time has to repeat more, because more and more parents try to raise their children less authoritative
They are firmly convinced that the relationship between parents and children hardly goes in the same direction, because for them being a father is like a kind of tug of war in which children must learn to listen and obey, simply because it is the desire of parents and because the relationship is almost always with a strong hierarchy.
There are more intolerant parents and others are less, but in general, the child is usually asked for obedience and respect for his person, despite the fact that many children end up fearing them, rather than respecting them.
I will not allow you in my house ...
They usually carry the singing voice at home and can even get it when they have to talk about children, as if they were the spokespersons of the family. They are clear who owns the house and often repeat phrases such as "while I live under my roof" or "this is my house and the rules are set by adults."
They have no problem punishing children as many times as necessary, choosing to withdraw benefits, even if they have nothing to do with the action that causes the punishment. When they decide to buy something for their child, to try to continue educating, they can turn a gift (you know, given as a sign of affection) into a prize for positive behavior, even if initially they did not have that intention.
They can get to hit their children if the thing falls out because they are convinced that a cheek in time prevents many future ills. In addition, they believe that it is something lawful, because they are being educated, they believe that nothing happens to do it and they think that, as they also did it, and there they are, proud of themselves, they must also do it to achieve the same results.
They can be very affectionate
It seems that we are describing some parents from centuries ago, straighter than a pole. The passage of time and the fact that many people have changed mean that, despite not having evolved too much, they can have a more participatory parenting style than former authoritarian parents.
They take care of their children when necessary, to change their diaper, bathe them and even make them dinner and put on their pajamas. They hug and kiss them whenever they want and feel it, although if the night is approaching they are clear that each person must sleep in the place destined for it. Parents must have their space, which is the double bed and the children, once they stop being babies (maybe at six months), they must sleep in their space, which is their bed in their room.
They believe that affection does not have to be at odds with setting limits and that is why they are clear, already when the first child is born, that they will not allow a little person of a few months to control the schedules and the evolution of all the members of the family.
From there it is they (the parents) who mark the schedules for eating, sleeping and doing certain things, since they are lovers of routines and of maintaining a relative order at home, making the baby adapt largely to the customs of the family.
As I said at the beginning, I consider this education better than what invisible parents can offer, basically because those who are not just, because they hardly educate. However, it is still an outdated model in which everything flows too vertically and in which a child has to do things well because his father is the judge and head of the situation. Personally I prefer the ones I called "wonderful parents", because it is a more horizontal relationship from you to you, where the child can make decisions and can learn, little by little, to be himself the judge of his acts and the head of his elections. The grace lies in knowing how to transmit the norms and values so that he is a fair judge and an honest and honest chief.
Photos | KellyB., Gagilas on Flickr
In Babies and more | Amy Chua recommends fierce authoritarianism as a method of parenting, Why some children today end up being problematic teenagers, Authoritarian parenting encourages insecurity, Punishment is an uneducational method
