TANTRUMS IN CHILDREN: WHAT CAN PARENTS DO BEFORE THEM

Children can explode in tantrums when we least expect it, especially when they are young and their ability to verbalize what they feel is still reduced. We all know that tantrums are a normal part of their development, but the truth is that sometimes it can be very difficult to handle them.

Today we are going to talk about children's tantrums, and things we can do parents before them, it is important to remember that the way in which our children mature and overcome this stage will depend on our attitude and way of reacting.

Understand that tantrum is not something negative

In order to handle our children's tantrums in a respectful way, we first have to understand that they are not something negative that should be avoided, prohibited or hidden, because they are the way children have to express their emotions or explain their problems.

Although not all children are equal, usually the tantrum phase usually takes place between two and four years, coinciding with the moment they begin to discover as independent people capable of manifesting their own will.

Why yes we understand tantrums as another part of the child's psychological development, it will be easier not to get disoriented or lose our nerves, although sometimes the environment does not make it easy with their judgments and disapproving looks.

Don't ignore him: join him

Tantrums are the way children have to express what happens to them, since not everyone has the ability to do it verbally. And it is that putting words to feelings such as frustration, anger, envy, nostalgia, anxiety ... is not easy, and that is why they channel their emotions through crying or tantrums.

If at that time we ignore your crying or turn your back, our child will receive the message that we do not care about their feelings or what is happening to them. That is to say, you will feel displaced, misunderstood and humiliated.

And although it may not be easy to deal with children's tantrums, it is important to remain calm, be patient, respect their feelings and accompany them.

There will be children who need a hug and others, however, prefer space and refuse physical contact. Respect your needs and simply stay by your side, since knowing you're there will help you get over the moment.

In Babies and moreThe photograph of a father and daughter during a tantrum that reminds us of how important our reaction is

Don't minimize his feelings: for him it is important

And in the same way that we should not ignore the child during his tantrum, neither should we minimize his feelings, nor downplay what he is living, with phrases of the style, "it is not so much", "nothing happens", "stop cry "," you get very ugly when you cry "," I will not love you "...

It is true that in the eyes of the adult, things that can explode a child in tantrum are usually trivial. But in their childhood world they are important, and if what we seek is to reassure and contain our son we should not invalidate your feelings with our words. Instead, we can tell you more empathic phrases that make you feel understood and clothed.

Empathize and practice active listening

How good we feel when we share a concern with someone and the other person empathizes with us! Well, the same thing happens to children, so that before a tantrum it can be very positive for him if we tell him that "we understand your feeling", and we even explain that we have once felt the same.

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And having a bad day is something universal to any human being, so it could be helpful for our son to share our experience with him and encourage him to explain what happens to him, in order to help him.

For this, it is essential to practice active listening: put ourselves at your height, look him in the eye and make him see that for us it is the most important thing and we are there to listen to him, without judgments.

Don't punish him

It goes without saying children's tantrums should never be punishedBut we must not approve of their behavior if, for example, they are being disrespectful to the people around them.

In this sense we must explain that everything we do has consequences, positive or negative, and encourage you to realize for yourself the consequences of your actions and the importance of learning from mistakes.

In Babies and more The four "R": the negative consequences of punishment in children

Help him manage his emotions

The children they are not born with tools to manage their emotions, and it is the parents' job to teach them to do it:

Allowing them to feel, and not forcing them to suppress any emotion.
Helping them recognize emotions, that is, giving them an emotional vocabulary to put words to their feelings.
Teach them to modulate that emotion in intensity, duration and impact.

And at this point everything mentioned above becomes especially important. And it is that when the child is in an environment in which he feels understood and supported in this sense, it is easier for him to manage his emotions.

Definitely, the worse we reactThe more we lose our nerves or get angry, the more we try to silence him by suppressing his feelings, the worse this stage will be solved.

That is why our way of reacting and managing our children's tantrums is so important, and thus make the child feel safe and confident in their maturation process.

Photos | iStock