The idea that someone can harm our children is terrifying, so much so that we refuse to think about it and talk to children about that possibility. However, by keeping them in total ignorance we may be putting them in danger. But, What to say to a child to prevent abuse?
I must tell you that I was hardly aware that the childhood sexual abuse it happened beyond some terrible cases that he could read in the news, until, in groups of mothers, some were telling that they had suffered them in their childhood and that they felt that this was still damaging their lives. They were many more than I could have thought. And they did not come from troubled families or the abusers were apparently dangerous criminals but relatives or close figures with adapted and "normal" lives and behaviors. Most of them took years to recognize what had happened to them and in almost no case did they tell it when it happened to them. And those who told it were rarely believed. They still suffer from the past and many have emotional sequelae: terrors, anxiety, eating problems, sexual dysfunctions, breastfeeding disgust, loss of self-esteem or difficulties for close physical contact.
And when I started reading and research I found that sexual abuse It is an almost invisible but painfully real scourge. That is why I think it is essential that parents know that it exists and help our children not to become victims. We can prevent it with adequate information.
The figures of sexual abuse
The figures are chilling. Some time ago we told you that a study published by The Lancet magazine considered that 30% of girls and 15% of boys suffer some type of sexual abuse during their childhood or adolescence.
We must be aware that the abusers exist, and I mean sexual abuse. We also have to know that abuse usually occurs by someone from the child's closest environment, in the family or among acquaintances that their parents trusted.
Abusers may look for professions or activities that allow them to be in contact with the children alone and act as authority figures for them. The truth is that, in most cases, we will not be able to identify them at first sight; Moreover, when they are discovered by the surrounding people, they are usually described as charming or harmless.
Therefore It is especially vital that the victim knows how to identify if you suffer an aggression even if it is fleeting or concealed by an abuser. As they exist, that is evident, and possibly we even know someone without knowing it, just as we surely know adults who suffered abuse and children who suffer them.
If these figures are true, looking at the children in our environment causes anguish. Not only if we think about the real risk, which we will now try to avoid, but also if we reflect on the cases that may be developing. Even knowing that the analysis includes all forms of sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence, not only rapes, they still seem terrible to me.
A case is now being tried in Spain against several alleged abusers accused of repeated child rapes for years, something that the children were silent until now and made me think of what parents can do to prevent that our children may be victims of the monsters that do those things.
Prevent sexual abuse
It is perhaps impossible to avoid all abuses, but without a doubt it is possible to prevent them. To do this there are two things we can do: be vigilant and also teach children that abuse exists and that no one can touch them improperly.
Children have to be explained what places in your body and what ways to touch them are not correct and teach them that if someone does something that bothers them, they should run away immediately and not accept unwanted physical contact. That happens even for not forcing them to kiss someone if they don't want to, because that way they feel they own their bodies and know that nobody can force them to do something they don't want.
We must explain, to the extent of their understanding, that there are people who, even looking very good, can deceive us and try to harm them or touch them improperly. Nobody, nobody, can touch them or caress them in a way that they don't like. That may cause him to reject hugs from someone who is harmless but that will reinforce his confidence that they have the right to say no.
Also, of course, you have to teach them not to go with strangers, either because they ask for help to find a puppy or offer them a toy or a treat. But of course, not all strangers are going to want to harm them, not all known or trusted people are safe.
The norm of not be alone and not leaving with strangers is essential. They should shout and run away if someone wants to take them away and throw themselves on the ground kicking and screaming if they get caught. But, when it comes to people familiar with their surroundings, the matter is more delicate, since they can try to deceive or scare them so that they are docile or silence what happened.
Therefore, we must always reiterate that we trust them and that they must tell us anything bad that happens to them, for we will believe in them and defend them, even if the person who has harmed them is very close to us.
A general advice, anyway, would be not leaving our children alone with anyone we don't trust absolutely (No family, no friends, no caregivers, no figures with spiritual authority, no teachers, no trainers or monitors), because abusers take advantage when the child is unprotected and, even then, be open to perceiving signs of abuse and reiterating our son to often that nobody can touch them improperly and that, if something strange happens to them, they must tell us immediately and we will save them.
Fear in children
We have to be aware that we tell this to children it can cause them fear and worry. The idea is not that they live in terror or distrust of the world, or thinking that everyone is evil, but that they know the reality to be able to face it and avoid being victims.
Living with fear will not protect them, but knowing how to act if the situation presents itself. That is to say, we are giving them weapons and protecting them by telling them.
You have to explain things little by little and when you are little, when you don't understand what abuse is, and teach them to own their own bodies and to have absolute confidence in us, tell them what they say or threaten them with what they threaten. We can prevent them from being victims of sexual abuse Talking with them.
