We talked yesterday about how harmful blackmail can be to children and, continuing with our goal of truly becoming good parents, I want to mention today that we should avoid censorship and humiliation when we want to motivate children or point out behaviors that should improve.
I recommend you review the issues that we have been addressing throughout our Maternity and Paternity Course because in many of them we offer you strategies to be good parents.
Good parents do not censor
It is one thing to point out to your child the things in which he can improve, helping him to achieve it, and another very different to tell him that he is clumsy, useless or that he will never be able to use without your help.
Censor It is not a good way to cheer him up, what he does is sink him into misery and damage his self-esteem. Criticisms, with children, always hurt, especially if they are accompanied by destructive phrases or odious comparisons.
Good parents don't humiliate
It is also very painful when parents make these comments in public, to other people, whether they are adults or friends of their children. They isolate them, make others see them dwarfed and they feel humiliated.
Sometimes parents, perhaps with good intention, perhaps thoughtlessly, comment on their children's mistakes with other people, speaking as if the child was not present. They tell their intimacies, their fears, family quarrels and that makes them feel as if their feelings do not matter and end, even believing that they do not deserve respect from their parents, and therefore from anyone. It is essential to work our empathy to help our children develop proper self-esteem.
Some examples of phrases that should not be said are: learn from your brother, I say it and period or you will drive me crazy.
Before doing that, bite your tongue. To hurt is not to love, nor does it serve to encourage them, but to make them feel that you despise them and do not even love them so as not to tell anyone.
If you want to let off steam for worries about your children, choose very well with whom you do it and the words you use, and reflect if it is your attitude or lack of trust that precisely makes your children make mistakes. And above all use positive communication to communicate with your children, because that is the way to be good parents and not that of humiliation or censorship.
