We have just celebrated Happy Dream Day and we have talked about mothers who can't do it anymore. Today, what I have to tell you would be rather something that does not deserve any party, except when someone decides to stop living it, I tell you about it Unhappy Dream Day.
And no, I do not mean children who end up resigning that their parents do not come when they cry at night because they need them, but of mothers (and perhaps fathers, although I have not known any personally sure that they exist too) that pass horrible nights and they can sink into grief for giving in to their partner and not imposing what instinct dictates to them, that their children need them at night and they need children, who want to breastfeed for years, who don't want to take them to a nursery or a school where your children are not happy.
The normal thing in the human being is the happy dream
For them it is this Unhappy Dream Day, so that, in a way, if you read me, you know that you are not alone, that you are not crazy, that what they want is normal and that he has every right to sleep with whomever they want, to breastfeed for as long as they want and educate with respect, whatever mothers, mothers-in-law, husbands and neighbors say.
Colecho, respectful parenting and prolonged breastfeeding continue to be seen as an eccentricity, something unhealthy or dangerous or a sign of being a mother too obsessive in part of society. The mother who has the bad luck of feeling something else and living surrounded by people who deny that her feeling is healthy and normal can suffer a lot.
Humans in a "natural" state have slept with their children for millions of years and have breastfed them for long years, it is perfectly normal behavior and, moreover, healthy and adaptive.
Until a little over 10,000 years ago, the child who did not sleep with his parents would die of cold or die devoured that same night. That does not happen anymore, so we can safely and if we are happy all the family members, shorten the breastfeeding that could last until seven years or sleep separately. Something absolutely respectable.
10,000 years may seem like a long time, but in evolutionary terms it is nothing more than a second. We have not changed genetically in those 10,000 years, we are the same as nomadic men and hunters in our basic survival instincts, men are and women are too. And children. Compared to the millions of years that hominids have been on Earth, 10,000 years is nothing.
That is, that a baby or a child (be it one, be ten years old) wants to sleep together is something perfectly normal and healthy. And I love years too. And for a mother to feel enormous anguish and be unable to get tired if she is not allowed to sleep with him or breastfeed whenever they want. Of course, that does not mean that children who sleep alone or mothers who enjoy rest with their safe children in the next room have nothing abnormal. Nor that weaning out of necessity is not absolutely, the same, worthy of respect.
Everything is acceptable and it is no one's business how a woman sleeps or who a woman sleeps with or how long she nurses her children. Not to criticize her, not to judge her, much less to force her to do something she doesn't want to do or punish her for trying to follow her heart. No mother should have an unhappy dream.
Who decides on our bodies?
Simply both are normal, healthy and possible and both situations deserve the same, the same, I repeat, respect for the couple, the family, the toilets and the environment. Is it so complicated to understand that nobody has the right to tell a woman with whom she should share her bed even if she is her lord husband and father of the children? That breastfeeding is something that only belongs to her and her son? Do youWho decides on the body of women?
I do not say that you have to divorce first, but explain, argue and, ultimately, do not give in if it is an issue that really makes us suffer or our children. There will be cases in which it is an issue without too much importance in family dynamics, but if the mother really needs it to rest or be happy, no one should ask her to give up her well-being.
If the dilemma is to civilize, divorce or end up becoming a shadow, exhausted and sick, never resting well, with terrible backaches, without adequate sleep and without a comfortable bed ... is it really worth risking to suffer the consequences of years without resting well with how hard it is to raise a child?
And the truth, be it the father or the neighbor, nor the selfishness, nor the convenience of others, nor the social custom nor the ignorance deserve that a mother yields and negotiates something that feels fundamental for her well-being and that of her son. No man is our owner. It is not a matter of respecting or not the right of the father to comment, it is the not to give one's own welfare and that of children to anyone, and less if it is before ignorance or lack of love and respect.
The opinion of the psychologist Mónica Álvarez
I leave what, on this subject, I have consulted with the psychologist Mónica Álvarez, which I hope will leave you a little light on something that can be immensely painful for a mother.
We are talking about a fundamental problem much more serious than a simple "disagreeing with the way of parenting". We may have to talk about toxic relationships in which yes, the obvious abuser is him, but she also exercises a type of violence towards herself. Helplessness learned? May. But they are not things that are solved by drinking coffee with friends (in many cases). Many times they are not solved, unfortunately. Sometimes death is the only thing that can break a relationship like that.
Make the Unhappy Dream visible
I would like to make visible that we are talking about a tremendous problem, that of Unhappy dream perhaps that it reaches the extreme in some cases and that in others, the majority, can be solved with dialogue and the love and respect that is supposed in a couple.
A husband who does not accept something that is essential for his partner to feel happy and secure should reflect and respect that she has the right to decide on her body and her life, trust her, give her a chance and never use any assignment as a weapon. . They should give themselves a chance, stop feeling like children lacking in motherhood and grow, accompany and take care of what they love.
And if he doesn't give in, I ask you: would it be better to civilize or divorce or leave us health and self-esteem? Should we negotiate with our well-being and that of our children with a partner who does not have the same conception of parenting as we do? What is the price of Unhappy dream Who can be willing to pay to give in things that destroy our hearts and bodies?
