When our son has been the center of our attention and of those of the whole family, he cannot understand that suddenly a little brother is the one who captivates the hearts of his parents. He doesn't like this, and he can prove it in many different ways, even if they escape us.
With the bad behavior, the tantrums, adoption of baby habits already overcome, even harming the baby (more or less "sneaky", because the little ones mix fiction and reality) older brothers express their disgust because they are no longer the only love of his parents.
Is "The Dethroned Prince". In Miguel Delibes' short novel with this title, the author takes us to the forgotten world of early childhood, starring Quico, a three-year-old boy who has been supplanted in the heart and maternal dedication by a little sister, Cris.
But, Can we parents do something to prevent our older child from feeling dethroned by the baby? We would lie if we said that nothing will change, but we cannot pretend either: the family has increased and for both parents and siblings the situation is different and we have to adapt.
It is in that adaptation where we can act so that children do not feel that their world is falling apart and their parents no longer love him because a baby has arrived. Let's see how.
Tips to avoid displacing the older brother with the arrival of the baby
If we create high expectations for the older brother regarding the birth of the baby, expectations that will not be fulfilled later, we are favoring the brother to be disappointed. Let's not tell children that the baby will be their playmate, because there are a few months left for that.
We have to teach them that babies are fragile and need the continuous attention of an adult, but we can also talk about the "attractions" that the baby will have for him.
Frequently, the older brother is fascinated by the baby and this we can "take advantage of" by helping you at some point in your care or hygiene (diaper change, cradling ...). But we should not abuse this assistance because the child may feel used and postponed. Better to let it be he who offers himself (and always with our supervision, of course).
But we are not to bear the child's responsibilities: he does not want his parents' lives to focus on the newcomer, but neither does his own. That is why it is essential that we do not lose sight of the ultimate goal: rather than helping to care for the baby, the child has to feel at ease.
If the brother shows indifference to the baby, do not force the situation: it needs a time of adaptation like all of us and the time will come when you will be attracted to it. We can start small joint games or invite the brother to help us promptly in some task with the baby.
During the time of breastfeeding we should not hide from the little brother, but we can try as far as possible that there is someone (the father, a relative ...) who can take care of the child who is likely to claim our attention more than ever. We can also keep your attention by telling you a story or watching some cartoons together while we breastfeed the baby.
Maybe it's time to show an exaggerated affection to the eldest son, since that is when he needs us most, let's make an effort in these difficult times of adaptation to exalt the love we have for them.
Let's dedicate an exclusive time to the affections and attention of the eldest son. Still need us and bath time, story, tickle ... can not go down in history. Both the child and we would be missing something very important and unforgettable.
There are small "privileges" that mean a lot to our children, let's look at them and make them a reality also when the baby arrives: the place with mom, a special dessert, the story ...
The place in the parents' bed usually changes with the birth of the baby. If we are clear that the child will be moved to another room when the child is born (you can also try the multiple bed for what you probably have to adapt the space of the room: a semi-detached crib, larger bed, mini-attached bed, mattresses on the floor ...), we must not wait until the baby is born but we can make the change a little earlier and explaining to the child why we do it and what are the possible "advantages" for him.
We continue with this topic, because Restlessness about where to sleep is usually large, so it is better to explain that the baby needs to be in the parents' room to be able to breastfeed, sleep better, attend to him if he cries, that we can change the diaper ...
Take care of the excessive attention of others to the newborn and the "forgetfulness" of the elderly (usually happens in postpartum visits). The child continues to exist, and in the same way that we would not like to be invisible on the street or at home as mothers, our children are the same. They like gifts, but especially games and special attention.
Do not trust yourself if you see that nothing seems to change with the extension of the family. Often, after the first impact with the arrival of the baby the situation stabilizes, but it is common that when the little ones begin to "move" and more clearly alter the life of the older brother they show their discontent in multiple ways, especially with jealousy .
In any case, following these tips we alleviate the situation of the older brothers before the arrival of the baby, facilitating (and facilitating) adaptation. The family has grown and we are in the middle of a great revolution, but it is a great change for which our little ones (they are still small) need our support and love as never before.
Photos | bengrey and rsgranne on Flickr In Babies and more | The Dethroned Prince, The Favorite Son, Why do favorite children exist?
