Listening (I say listen not 'hear') to others, I think it is one of the keys to human communication. I make the distinction because "Listening" is 'paying attention to what is heard'. Which moved to the domestic sphere and in a scene that could be repeated in many homes: listening is (as Marisa says of 'Stressed Mothers', which we will soon interview - I have not forgotten, no -); stop stirring dinner, put out the fire and turn around, to attend to what our children want to tell us.
That is but what we would like them to do with us, if we wanted to communicate something important. Let me also introduce a variable in the subject of listening, which has nothing to do with what others tell us, as with what we say. Do you hear yourself when you talk to your children? Do you hear yourself when you scold them? Do you hear yourself when you lecture them? In my case when I do, sometimes I feel a little ashamed of myself, realizing how easy it is to lose my composure.
Marcy Axness is an early development specialist, lecturer, editor of Mothering and author of a book called "Parenting for Peace: raising the next generation of Peacemakers", from one of his recent entries, I have rescued some ideas that besides being blunt, are clarifying and very to consider
Listen (really) to your children
In Article 5 Out-of-the-Box Ways to Make Your Child "LISTEN !!!", talk about it ... ways to make children listen. I recommend you read full, although for example, one of the things I liked the most is that (even without realizing it, even without wanting it) for our children we are a mirror.
So we do not intend to see in them behaviors that we do not adopt due to laziness, neglect or denial. Are we ordered? Do we consider our partner when making decisions? Do we talk to our parents without any hesitation?).
Speak less (and more clearly), LISTEN, think before saying (before doing too), surprise the children (letting our inner child out) and get to be a source of inspiration. These are pillars that could replace hundreds of pages with tips and recommendations that are hard to remember, and sometimes even put into practice.
A frequent question: will I have lived up to it?
I left it to the end, although I really did not know whether to introduce this post with this idea that has come to put words to a thought and thousands of feelings that have addressed me recently. Suddenly I have a pre-adolescent son (and behind him an important handful of experiences, memories and emotions), and I realize that he is already starting to choose his own course.
It is when I would like to have lived up to it, when I would like to have provided enough tools, when I would need more time to help you feel more secure. And especially when I see around the corner the "final exam of being a mother" and I get the feeling that instead of 'attending classes' I have lost myself in prejudices, ramblings, fears, uncertainties, mistakes ...
This whirlwind is normal and shared by many parents. And despite him, tell you that (as I assure other parents, and as those who have been through this assure me) teenagers still need us. Otherwise, of course, because they are no longer enthralled with our words and our actions, but expect to see understanding, respect, coherence; and above all they constantly scrutinize us.
The answer is on the road, and in our own ability to redefine the role of parents and the relationship with children, some children that one day were born, and when we come to realize they will have become independent. The work of parents is not easy, I understand that of being a child either, but it is possible to form a team in which the person who depends ends up working 'side by side' with which he protects, and after time, he ends up accompanying Your own children in life.
Images | Andres Rodriguez, Francisco Osorio Vía | Mothering In Peques and More | Practice active listening with our children, approach your children to talk with them: you will improve your communication
