"It is trying to kiss us and we immediately have the little one in the middle saying that nothing", "My son does not want his father to approach me or talk to me, or kiss me"… Is it possible for a baby or small child to be jealous of one of the parents? Well, it is possible, although it is not as complicated and twisted as we think. I tell you how we can act to neutralize those jealousy ... and be able to kiss, love and even have a conversation ... all at ease.
There are parents who tell how their son or daughter rides in anger at the slightest attempt to show affection between the members of the couple, or who stands between them avoiding contact ... And beware, we see cases of all ages, not only Babies (who, due to the stage of development and attachment in which they find themselves, can justify this anxiety before “the withdrawal of attention from the parent in question”): we can perfectly observe this behavior in children even 9 or 10 years old.
This video went viral some time ago and serves us perfectly to exemplify what we are talking about, with a little humor:
The first thing is don't worry, nothing strange happens to our son, nor are we establishing a strange relationship or want to usurp the role of the other parent: calm. Of course, we are going to do something to try to minimize these jealousies because they are still a negative emotion that generates discomfort in the child, in addition to being able to end up interfering (there are cases like this) in the relationship.
How do these “jealousy” manifest?
Try to separate when we kiss.
Speak and systematically interrupt (block) communication attempts between us.
Physically pushes one of the two away from the other.
Verbaliza (according to their age) their refusal to show affection between us (between the members of the couple).
Cries, screams or has lollipops (more typical of younger children) when we show affection or interact with each other or our physical closeness prevents him from being close to the “favorite” parent.
Verbalize the "possession" of one of the parents: "Mom is mine".
To a lesser extent there are demonstrations such as those that appear, for example, the jealousy produced by the arrival of a little brother: difficulties in sleeping, refusal to eat, getting his needs over (if we had already left the diaper stage long ago), etc. .
What not to do
Don't ridicule or laugh: As "funny" as the situation may seem to us, the reality is that we are talking about our son's feelings, it is not something to joke about. In addition, if we laugh we will feel hurt and it is possible that this reinforces precisely the behavior and discomfort we want to reduce.
Do not scold or get angry, especially the “rejected” parent: if precisely what you are asking us for is attention from one side to the other and what you get is hostility ... (I insist, and more when it is from the daddy or mommy who wants to “avoid” in the interaction), how do we think he is going to feel? What conclusion will you draw? Better go calmly.
Do not stop showing affection in front of the child, despite his behavior. We must normalize these situations, these signs of affection, this union, in this way you will see that it is usual, not exceptional for dad and mom to talk, kiss ... to interact with each other and not only with him / her.
What can we do to neutralize these jealousy?
If you interrupt us we can explain, adapting the language to your age, that you have to wait a moment for dad and mom to finish telling themselves what they are saying, and that they will immediately attend to what he / she has to tell us. Let's avoid getting angry, sending him to shut up or take him away from us, that will enhance the feeling of “if both are there, I have enough” (said in a somewhat exaggerated way, so that we understand each other).
Through the game We can perform role playing in which there are three characters, and two of them are couples, to stage those situations in which the child shows real-life conflict. The game is a great way to address all kinds of issues.
Explain, quietly, and without making this conversation an event (we can take advantage of the food, or a moment of tranquility, not in full tantrum), that the Popes besides loving our children very much we also love each other, and that is wonderful. We can give as an example to grandparents, or friends that have those who know that he has affection for them.
Showing affection as a couple to our children reports benefits for them
They will see us as a unit, something that comes to us from pearls, because showing coherence in the discourse and in the norms, in the displays of affection, in everything, between father and mother is key to the best development of our children.
Our well-being has an (obvious) impact on them. To begin with because parents are models for our children, they learn from our verbalizations, from our behaviors ... If what they see is a healthy relationship, of affection and affection, of respect and love among adults, isn't that a good model for they?
On the other hand we are transmitting that people deserve to take care of ourselves, dedicate some time to ourselves, to our well-being, which is great for its development as future adults.
And finally some happy daddies, with a healthy relationship, they represent a very favorable development context for the mental and emotional health of children.
If our little one seems to "not want us to love each other", it is normal and nothing happens, but let's help him learn to manage those emotions, because loving and caring for ourselves, being parents, is a great example for our children.
Photos: Pixabay.com; Youtube;
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