A few days ago, we all felt shocked to hear the news of a nine-year-old boy who had been raped by classmates between 12 and 14 years old. This terrible event, coupled with other news that unfortunately occupy covers too often, such as cases of bullying, teenage pregnancies, group rapes, cyberbullying ... It has led us to ask: what is happening?
We have spoken with the piscologist Silvia Álava, specialist in Clinical and Health Psychology and Educational Psychology, and author, among others, of the books "We want happy children. What they never taught us" and "We want them to grow up happy. childhood to adolescence, "which has given us its expert opinion on today's teenagers and How can we prevent such situations.
Neither generalize certain statements, nor normalize violence
"The first thing we should be clear about is that there are fantastic guys, responsible, affectionate, collaborative and even helping others cooperating with NGOs. Guys who, despite the ups and downs and changes of adolescence, live it in a healthy and respectful way. But these guys don't go on the news or occupy covers " - says Silvia Álava.
Therefore, the piscologist insists on the responsibility we all have when we talk about adolescence and adolescents, and the importance of not generalizing or thinking that all boys are equal."It is important that we do not generalize with phrases like "What happens to teenagers today?", because fortunately most are not like that. We have to differentiate between normal adolescence and pathological adolescence ".
On the other hand, Silvia also emphasizes the general tendency that exists in society to normalize violence, disrespect and aggressiveness; behaviors that far from normalizing, we should fight to eradicate.
"We must stop this type of behavior dry, and do it the whole society as a whole and since childhood. Within the family we have to encourage the critical thinking of our children and allow them to answer us when they disagree with something, but at no time allow or ignore disrespects, shouts or the imposition of opinions in any way of violence. "
"For their part, schools have to be very attentive to restrain from the beginning the student who hits or insults a classmate. Because they are not things of children, and sometimes when it is decided to intervene it is already late and we are facing a stalker, a problem that has become too aggravated, or whose final consequences have been fatal ".
The school, the teacher and the bullying
Today's children will be the teenagers of tomorrow, and the way they behave and interact with the environment will depend on the education they receive from their earliest childhood. Educate (and set an example!) From love, empathy and respect will result in respectful teenagers with others.
But this work should not be done alone from home. Schools must row in the same direction and work in harmony with families.
"To avoid bullying, and other types of aggressive and pathological behavior in adolescents, it is essential educate in empathy, respect and assertiveness. But work should not be done alone from home. Schools also have to be involved in the emotional education of their students, through plans for living together and managing emotions from the classroom ".
Fortunately, there are schools increasingly aware of this issue, which include programs for detecting bullying, handling emotions and ways to resolve conflicts between students in a peaceful and educational way.
On the other hand, Silvia also highlights the figure of the teacher and how important it is the fact that he knows how to excite and motivate his students, and that they see in him a person to respect.
"The teacher must convey respect and authority to the children, and this is something that we sometimes see lost. But in those cases we should ask ourselves: Are that child's parents respecting the teacher? Because if we, as parents, do not respect our children's teachers or continuously show our disagreement with them while the children are ahead, they will end up copying our behaviors. ".
"If a child is not able to respect his teacher, how are we going to pretend to respect his classmates or the rest of the people around him?""In the end it is a chain or a snowball that is getting bigger and bigger. That's why, we are the parents who must first become aware and set an example with our actions, taking into account that we are the role model of our children ".
Sex education as a prevention measure
Another issue that worries society a lot is the relationship between adolescents and sex. Why do teenagers start sex more and more early? Why in the last weeks are we hearing so much about teenage pregnancies or sexual harassment? What is happening and how can we prevent it?
"There are many causes that hide behind too early interest in sex, and all have to be analyzed carefully, and also analyze the individual in question. Therefore, it is difficult to talk about this issue or reduce it to a number of reasons".
"But there is no doubt that one of the important causes that could hide behind early adolescent sex would be the fact that not knowing how to talk about sex with our children since they are young and from an emotional point of view".
"The lack of communication and emotional sex education leads teenagers to consult their doubts on the Internet, videos or pornography. And there, the affective part does not exist."That is why it is so important to talk with our children since they are young with total transparency and naturalness, and continue to maintain that communication also in adolescence. Clarify the doubts that are presented according to their age, never lie to them and give them confidence so that they can find in us the answers to their concerns.
A correct sex education since childhood is key, not only to prevent teenage pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases or sexual abuse, but also to live sex in a healthy and safe way.
Social networks: the culprits of everything?
There is a factor in all this problem that a few years ago did not exist: Internet and social networks. According to statistics, we know that today three out of four 12-year-old children already have a mobile phone, and in many cases access to social networks occurs even before that age.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to find children addicted to screens, or hooked on their mobile phones even at school. Teenagers who incorrectly use their social profiles, who seem to communicate exclusively with mobile messages, or who harass others through WhatsApp.
But besides all this it hides the total impunity given by the anonymity of social networks, and that especially concerns Silvia Álava:
"The information society in which we live immediately leads us to give opinions and make judgments about someone from the other side of the screen. Covered in the anonymity of social networks, there are people who do not hesitate to threaten, disrespect others, criticize with total impunity, insult or say really serious things. And besides, and as I said before, many of these aggressive behaviors end up being normalized and even applauded by others ".
"And this total impunity that is seen in social networks is a reflection of a lack of respect and empathy also in everyday life.""However, access to social networks and the fact that children have their first mobile too soon is not in itself a problem. The problem is that many parents do not teach their children to make proper use of ICT, and adolescents end up creating social media profiles without knowing how to use them correctly, and without knowing the implications of publishing a photo or video, or making a specific comment. Implications that can affect them, but that can also affect the people around them".
Undoubtedly, the talk with Silvia has been really interesting because it has touched very hot topics and that we all care about. Personally, I am left with the importance of not generalizing or talking about adolescence as a "terrible" phase through which all our children will have to go through.
As to our work as parents, we must not forget to encourage active communication with our children, get involved in their education, educate them in respect and values through example and express our love for them; Because the best way to teach love is by loving.
But this way we cannot and should not do it alone, and the school in particular, and society in general, can become great allies for educate in empathy, assertiveness and respect.
IStock Photos
Thanks to Silvia Álava
In Babies and More Sex Education, Bullying, Social Networks, Teens, Bullying, Internet
