"The dedication to raising my son is offering me a lot on a personal level." Interview with Jose Ernesto Juan, founder of the Besos y Brazos Association

At Father's day we have wanted, with one of the Babies interviews and more, to approach a father who offered us a personal vision and his experience in conscious upbringing and interview him to let us look a little at the masculine soul and fatherhood.

We have chosen a father deeply involved in shared parenting and who, in addition, has wanted to devote part of his time and energy by founding a Breeding and Breastfeeding Support Association, Kisses and Arms, to share knowledge and experiences with other families. vital: Jose Ernesto Juan.

You are a father very involved in parenting. Do you feel strange in your environment?

The truth is that it is not normal to see parents who are very involved and have been previously informed, although since I am in this world, I am increasingly finding more very aware parents.

In fact, approximately 20% of the partners are parents in the Besos y Brazos Association and that seems to me to be a good start.

How and when was your son born?

Our son was born on September 29, 2009 at the La Milagrosa Clinic in Madrid, after a respected birth. We were accompanied by gynecologist Gaia Zocchi and her Cum Aqua team.

Samuel's respected birth was, without a doubt, the best experience of my life.

Did you have information about the type of delivery you wanted?

In pregnancy it was where we began to inform ourselves about what we wanted and the situation in Spain. We have a doula in preparation for childbirth, which we did privately, and she taught us the importance of respecting the needs of the baby.

Was it, then, a respected birth like the one you had planned?

Samuel's birth was respected, we were almost alone in the 12 hours we stayed in the orange room of La Milagrosa. Gaia, the gynecologist and Diego, the matron, came in to check that we were fine and to see that we were not alone.

The truth is that with the candles, the music, the dance, the bathtub and above all, with the freedom we had in that process, it was much easier to accompany Samuel on his arrival.

How did you access the information?

Tuty, the doula who gave us the preparation for childbirth and helped us in the Khardaia center in the integral preparation for birth, answered many of our questions and offered us her experience in about 70 deliveries.

In addition, fate accompanied us so that several friends offered us the "Bésame Mucho" by Carlos González, instead of another more famous book ...

What feelings and experiences do you remember from that moment?

I remember that in pregnancy, I once doubted Alba's ability to give birth without an epidural because it is scary. But I only hesitated once, and I felt very sure of her strength as a woman once she had found the birth she wanted since her fear at this stage was precisely not feeling respect for her figure as a mother.

With which, I remember that I felt safe at all times, as a very important childbirth figure, knowing how to accompany my partner and my son in this wonderful experience. I think I remained totally serene, without losing my "doulo" role at any time.

When I first saw my child's head, I remember that everything began to be colored, I had it so close. I described what I saw to my partner to be a participant in my eyes and to give him all possible strength.

Once Samuel was with his mother, I retired to be able to cry alone and unload all the sensations retained. Yes, accompanying the birth of my son has been the best experience of my life.

Do you think that the health system and society favor access to information about a respected birth?

It seems to me that we need to make further progress in this regard and that everyone is able to offer the same information to families who wish to have a respected birth.

I do not understand that all vehicles are governed by certain laws but that each hospital is an independent island. It is necessary that all the toilets are trained in the emotional needs of the families and that they are able to return the prominence to the families. And that you don't have to pay to be able to have it.

I guess you read a lot before being a father about pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, right?

The truth that we were informing ourselves about these issues although many people told us that it is not necessary to read anything to be a good father and I do not doubt it, I just say that it is possible to be even better if you are informed.

Or do we not inform ourselves of the destination we choose when we go on vacation? Being parents is much more important and, in that sense, there is work to be done.

And breastfeeding?

We were very clear that we wanted to breastfeed, we think that it is the best food that can be offered to a baby, it is natural and what is not necessary to defend. Thanks to breastfeeding, the human being is on Earth.

But we are not going to be the ones who criticize the bottle because we believe it is a great tool that can save many lives, but it should be used for extreme cases. Artificial milk should be the one that defends its benefits against the natural.

Was breastfeeding easy?

Our breastfeeding was what made us here. The first 15 days were the most terrible 15 days of our life. Our son did not get a correct posture and all he did was undermine Alba's breasts and our passing morals.

At 15 days, on a Sunday at 3 in the morning, with cracks in the chest, with a mastitis and with tears in the eyes, we decided to bottle feed Samuel to get food and allow, with that rest, that Alba was cured of wounds But we didn't lose hope of breastfeeding again.

The relationship was in this process where it was difficult to find help. It is not easy for mothers to find help in this regard. It is very easy to recommend alternative feeding in these cases and above all, the feelings of the mother are not respected because few people can understand those emotions. Remember that we are the generation of the bottle, and very few people in their 30s have ever seen breastfeeding.

About the link between mother and baby that provides breastfeeding I think it goes without saying, it is too obvious, you just have to want to see it.

Thanks to the hard process of our breastfeeding, the idea of ​​founding the Besos y Brazos Association was born, an association that appears to be in need and that aims to ensure that no family is alone and criticized in its most endearing process.

What is the father's role in postpartum and breastfeeding in your opinion?

The role of the father in the postpartum, when depression may appear and for which there is no free preparation in Social Security and breastfeeding is supportive, supportive of the dyad, protector of the family.

The father is the shield that mother and son need when so helpless they face the world. The father is the one who has to put a "barrier" between family, friends and acquaintances so that the emotional-emotional bond is established without any hindrance.

What fundamentals does your way of raising have?

Only one: respect for the emotional and emotional needs of our child.

Do you sleep with your son?

We practice colecho after knowing the needs of a baby, which, as I said, is our fundamental pillar. We think that a newborn baby is totally helpless and that he needs his mother to survive.

The standing of the humans makes the gestation period very short and the extrauterine life can be extended up to 2 years, with which, we try to offer our child that external uterus so that it develops fully and we think that the colecho is part of your needs

Also, looking at it selfishly, it is much easier to get him to not wake up sharing the bed and, in addition, I love to feel my son sleeping next to me, although sometimes I get a kick.

Is the colecho impeding a good relationship in the couple?

The colleague needs to have a good relationship established and must be something loved by the two, which should not be any impediment in the relationship. You just have to talk and put emotions together.

How has your child's dream evolved?

Our baby sleeps "from the book", but from the book "Sleep without tears." I want to say with it that every time you wake up less.

In the crawling stage, he woke up several times and even crawled, he had to be offered the quick tit so he wouldn't wake up at all. Now he is able to stand in bed half asleep and start singing, since he has recently learned to hum songs in his own way.

We have no problem with sleeping, because you don't have time to sleep. When we see that the eyes are touched, we put it in the baby carrier and sleep without problems. Above all it is important to ensure that you are not very tired when you go to sleep to avoid being too restless.

Are you a happy man?

To this day, I think it is the happiest stage of my life. I am discovering my personality, I am trying to take off my heart that I was wearing since I was little.

The dedication to raising my son is offering me a lot on a personal level and I also believe that on a couple level.

The important thing in life, to be happy, is to give yourself in everything you do, and in my case, right now, the most important thing I have is my son and my family.

Do you understand or, better, do you understand the environment?

Honestly, I don't consider myself pressured by the environment. Perhaps it is because I am very clear about the path that I have chosen and see my son's smile, the light that it gives off when he looks at us, that does not receive any pressure.

Our environment has realized our safety and Samuel's smile and they see that he is a very happy child.

What reasons led you to create a parenting association?

The main reason was our problems with breastfeeding. We do not want anyone who wants to breastfeed to leave because of lack of information or myths and phrases made of the style: you have no milk, your milk is watery, your milk feeds enough ...

In addition to the experiences shared in the association, we intend to facilitate the access of families to groups of mothers where the decisions taken by the family are not questioned or criticized. We also offer professional talks that can inform you in a "scientific" way about the benefits of respecting the needs of the baby and how important it is to get to see life from your child's eyes.

Tell us a little about how the Besos y Brazos Association works

In Kisses and Arms we have 3 fundamental pillars: Groups of mothers, talks and practical workshops. It is a very new association, because the first act we have done was on October 2 but it already has 27 members today, which makes us very proud of what we have achieved in such a short time.

The main objective is to get families to have a space where they can be with their babies without feeling criticized, trying to get a kind of tribe where all members have things to contribute.

Now we are working intensively in a series of conferences entitled "Knowing our children", which will take place from May in Navalcarnero, in which we will have specialists such as Carlos González, Maria Jesus Blázquez, Rosa Jové and Yolanda González.

What kind of education do you want to give your child?

We want to offer our son an education in accordance with what has been achieved so far, consistent with the attachment and empathy in which he grows, something that respects his emotional needs and follows the line we have been taking so far. It is something we are thinking now and we do not discard anything. We are clear that on the road we have learned with respectful upbringing there is no possible reverse.

Will the kind of upbringing and education we give our children change the world?

We are completely sure that raising our children is a very important step in changing the world, it is the most valuable thing we can do for our future generations, applying the saying "think globally, act locally." Hopefully our children have a slightly better world than we have right now.

I must tell you that I loved doing this interview. A few years ago, along with a friend, another very aware and dedicated father, I also made this itinerary, create an association that would help other families, and also, I learned a lot about the important role that a father can have in parenting . I hope you enjoy it and serve as a tribute to all those wonderful men who celebrate today the Father's day and to those who congratulate from Babies and more.

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