Educating children is one of the most difficult tasks that exist. When they are doing something wrong, something you want to avoid or stop is when our adult, reasonable and experienced tools should come on the scene and, usually, the first thing that comes out is usually the most irrational and least recommended.
These days I'm juggling for try to avoid the phrase "the Magi are watching you", which at this time is usually the first thing that comes out to try to change the behavior of our children, which is a resource that works, because children attend, but that is a emotional blackmail I personally don't like it too much.
In normal conditions, that is, at any time of the year other than Christmas, in a situation that we want to avoid or stop (children are messing it up at home, fighting each other, etc.) what works best at that time It's a punishment or a cheek. I say it works best because they stop what they are doing ipso facto. But nevertheless they are not acceptable educational tools Because the child turns against him, he feels hurt and because situations like that are going to live hundreds and you can not go all day punishing or hitting (in addition to being disrespectful and illegal).
The second option is the scream. A shout and, more or less, leave what they are doing. However, again, it is not suitable in the long term because they end up getting used to screaming and stop paying attention or because according to what we shout and how we shout it we can make our children feel fear towards us, I don't respect, fear, and the people we love shouldn't fear us, but love us too.
The next thing would be to enter the field of threats: "or you stop doing that, or that will happen to you", "or stop, or you will not have what you want." If the threats end up being fulfilled it can be effective because upon hearing the threat the child will know that if he does not stop doing what he is doing, what the mother or father says will happen. The problem is that many threats end up not being fulfilled and in the end the children stop believing in the threat (bah, if in the end you don't fulfill what you say you are going to do).
On the other hand, threat-based motivation is always external. I explain myself, if we base the education of children on the basis of consequences that we invent ourselves, the motivation to do something or not do it will be what we want it to be, but not the actual consequence of an act.
If we say "if you hit your brother again this afternoon we do not go to the park", the child will stop hitting his brother because he wants to go to the park, but the day that the park seems boring, or the day it rains, he will have no reason not to hit his brother. If instead we say "if you hit your brother, he cries, it hurts and he becomes sad because he thinks you don't love him", he may hit his brother again, but based on repeating and putting feelings to the brother and giving a negative connotation , because it’s something negative, the child must learn not to hit by his own desire, because he doesn't want his brother to be sad.
That is an internal motivation, something that the child ends up wanting to do (not hit), because it is the right thing, and not to be able to go to the park or whatever comes to mind.
Well, the phrase "that the Magi are watching you" is within this group of educational tools whose motivation for change is external ... say that by appealing to the Magi we are losing authority and children receive a message in plan "I do not like you to do this, but I do not tell you anything , however, the Magi will act bringing fewer gifts. "
It's like when we were little and our mother said "you'll see when your father arrives and tells him." In this precise moment our mother lost all authority and gave it to the father.
It is for this reason that these days, when I have to quickly think about what I do to stop an action that I am not liking and "the Kings" and that phrase come to mind, because it is an automatic consequence learned from when I was a child ( they told me), I try to avoid saying it to seek the direct consequence dialogue, to motivate them so that they want to do things well, leaving toys and gifts aside.
And I say leave them aside because I don't want them to become a prize for having behaved right or wrong, but rather a gift that someone wants to give them because they are "Wizards" and adore children. I know it's something that costs ... it's hard for me to avoid such a helpless phrase, that lives on the tip of my tongue, but luckily it hasn't come out yet.
