Phrases that should not be said: "I say it and period"

We continue, in our Maternity and Paternity Course, reviewing and analyzing some of those phrases not convenientI know that, almost like muletillas, parents can be tempted to use. One of them is "I say it and period".

Children sometimes do not want to do something necessary: ​​dressing properly, going home from the park, eating vegetables or putting on their coat even if we think it is cold. And that gets us nervous no matter how quietly we have started the conversation.

We are human and we have our limits. Patience, the golden rule of parenting, it is not infinite, although, the truth, for parents is the best of strengths. But, let's face it, the best parents in the world also come a time when they have to settle a situation when they have exhausted all their resources.

But, if we remember when we were children, it sure bothered us that "I say it and period" We had to listen. An odious phrase that left you with a very bad taste, and with the idea that our opinions did not matter to anyone, that the authority of the parents was not based on reason, but on power. A phrase that conveys injustice and lack of courage.

Reach agreements on standards

The first thing would be for everyone to be clear what are the standards that we must fulfill in our home and that they be as balanced, rational and fair for everyone, including children.

Then, I always repeat, we should be able to ask ourselves if our demand is really necessary and if it is fair. Then, if our sincere answer is that it is, we must pass to explain to the child with all tranquility and patience the reasons for those we consider necessary to do something at that time (or not do it).

The explanations must be adapted to the child's verbal comprehension and cognitive development, to its maturation and its handling of abstract language. They should be performed in a friendly, respectful tone, without value judgments, personal attacks or emotional blackmail.

Explanations are indispensable.

We have to try to give them looking at them at home and at their height if possible. We must also adapt to their emotional situation, because a conversation with a calm child is not the same as with one in the midst of an emotional overflow or who is crying inconsolably. First, we attend to your mood, then, let's go to the explanations.

A communication strategy that has a great effect is the that we verbalize that we understand your feelings. They do not have to feel like going home if they are playing happily in the park, they do not understand the rush because schedules are not something they decide or require, and, of course, they have every right to hate lentils. Let's say it.

Let's help them express themselves and express your opinion without fear That makes us more angry. Once we have recognized your opinions and, precisely, we value them, if it is still necessary to do what we have decided, let us explain our motives.

Frustration and nobility

At that point you can that the child cries or gets angry when faced with something that causes grief or frustration. They do not have our experience or contention and it is normal and healthy for them to express, always with the limit of not harming anyone, that they feel bad.

But this makes them much more accessible and will be willing to understand our motives and to accept the situation even if it causes them disgust.

Children naturally They are eager to please us and open to learn from us, that we are those powerful, wise and loving beings that life has placed at their side to help them develop. It will not be the first, it will not always be, but, in the long run, maintaining a relationship of respect and trust will make it much easier for you to handle conflicts.

They will understand if we leave their rhythm to understand and we get used to letting them express their opinions and feelings. I know that it is not all that simple and that there will be times that, due to the urgency of the required intervention or the eternalness of the discussion, we must put an end to it. Of course. But, if we have become accustomed to using the steps described above, the chances will have been minimized.

When it is necessary to take a resolution let's do it with nobilityWell, it is obvious that we have the ultimate authority to decide. However, when we have made every effort to explain ourselves and it is a habitual formula in our family that it is so, the child will accept much better to yield and understand that there are reasons, even if he does not completely agree with them.

Phrases that we should not use as “I say it and period” They may be a resource aid but do not contribute anything to a constructive debate or encourage harmonic communication. Our goal, in the face of any conflict, is to teach the child to listen, understand and reach agreements. And we can get it with a little effort on our part.

Video: Stupid Phrases You Should Never Say Again (March 2024).