HONEY, ARE WE LOOKING FOR THE SECOND ONE?

The day I noticed the tenderness with which my father looked at me was the day I knew that I would also like to have children. That I also wanted to look like this. What I did not have - nor do I have - anything clear, is whether that look was going to rest on several small children or on one.

But since that was a problem for my future self, and my wife had the same doubts as me, we started at the beginning, that is, by having the first one and "then we'll see." What happens is that our daughter has just turned 18 months, and that "then" has been crystallizing in an increasingly present question: honey, are we looking for the second one?

In Babies and more Why should we stop asking: "when is the other one?"

Go ahead that you are going to read below will not be arguments either for or against having one, two, three or a dozen children. It is rather a compilation of all doubts and mixed feelings that gather in my head every time I ask (or ask me) the above question.

In fact, I am not even going to separate them for "in favor" or "against", because I don't even know how to define what is favor and against. So, we start:

My daughter will be happier with a little brother or sister

Or at least I think so. I grew up with a brother two years younger than me and we have shared and shared many moments together. From games and mischief in childhood to parties, friends and confidences in adolescence and youth. Although there are times when we see each other more and others less, I know that it will always be there when I need it.

If we can hardly with one, how are we going to be able to with two?

It is a somewhat selfish thought, but when I stop to think about all the moments when the care of the little girl surpasses us, I do not even want to imagine what it can be to have two. Will the small secrets of intimacy and time for ourselves that we have left disappear? Will they synchronize their cries and anger? Will they fight a lot?

I want to pamper the one we already have

Sometimes I watch my daughter do nonsense and nonsense and I get the idea of not having more children and pampering this to infinity. I know that in reality that will not necessarily make me happier, and that my love will not be divided in two by having another child, but will multiply. But there is that thought.

In Babies and more17 fun illustrations that show the differences between the first and second child

Do I really want to give up feeling my baby in my arms again?

Although a child is loved infinitely all his life, I think there is nothing comparable to that feeling of adoration that overwhelms you when you have your baby in your arms that does not reach half a meter and you feel that you must protect him from all the bad things in the world . Not having more children would be giving up feeling like this again, and it's something that scares me.

Do I have the strength to raise another baby again?

Now that she is a year and a half old, the truth is that our little girl practically "takes care of herself". Yes, you have to change it, dress it, bathe it, help it to eat, watch it, walk at its erratic pace on the street, calm it when it is bad, sleep it ... But it already spends a lot of time playing "alone", just crying, sleep all night And he almost always knows how to tell you what he wants or what hurts.

Therefore, to think about going back through its first six months, which are a nebula of endless tears and endless nights, I find it quite uphill.

Do we fit comfortably at home?

Well, this is a bit of a first world question, because to fit, what is to fit, we have enough. They could share a room or I give up my office. It is rather a feeling similar to the one you feel when you decide to have the first one: now that I have my life more or less organized, will I change everything again?

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When we are not, who will take care of it?

It is one of the reasons that push me the most because my daughter had at least one little brother or sister. When I think that one day my parents will not be there, and how hard it will be, it always comforts me to think that at least I have a brother and that we will support each other. And I want her to have someone like that in her life too.

Can we afford it?

If the family economy already suffers when the first child is born, which is an important expense, with two expenses multiply. It is true that at first you can "inherit" many things from the first, but later there will be many duplicate expenses and you will have to "buckle up."

Is it ethical to bring more children to the world? And not do it?

This is my favorite thought, because it perfectly sums up the mental cocoa that my wife and I have, so I'm going to use it closing. Because on the one hand I think that overpopulation worldwide is a problem: we are like a plague that devastates everything and what we can do to minimize our impact seems right. But on the other hand, low birthrate in Spain is also a problem, the population ages and we have fewer children, and in the long term that is unsustainable. Reducing it to a bar claim: who will pay my pension if we don't have children?

So whatever the answer to the question: Are we looking for the second one? I have the comfort that any decision I make may seem right.