Letter to my second son: “You didn't make me a mother for the first time but you made me a better mother”

You may not have as many photos as your sister, nor is the exact moment when your first tooth came out in any baby scrapbook, but it does remain engraved in my memory and in my heart your beautiful face as soon as you are born and Every day of your life with me.

Without the gift of your company, my story would make no sense. I want you to know how important you are to me. That's why I write these words because, Although you didn't become a mother for the first time, you do make me a better one.

"My dear son"

They say there is nothing more wonderful than being a mother, and I agree one hundred percent. Also that motherhood makes you a better person, and surely it is. What I can affirm emphatically is that I would not have been the woman I am without you two, my children.

You can't imagine that you can feel so much love for such a small person, until your son is born. And, you love him so much, that you fear having another baby and not being able to love him the same. Without a doubt, a senseless fear, because from the moment it is born, you feel the same unconditional and infinite love. That is what I felt when you were born.

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I got pregnant with your sister without pretending, but when the pregnancy test was positive, we didn't hesitate for a minute to know that we wanted to be parents. And we begin to think of possible names, to celebrate it as the best news of our lives.

We were young and the pregnancy went smoothly, working until the last day and enjoying our life as a couple, aware that when our daughter was born, she would be the center.

I was in labor for almost a day and your father did not separate from me for a moment, but since he was very apprehensive with the blood, he even lost consciousness in the delivery room while taking pictures of everything.

And the photos of the newborn were followed by many more, with friends and family, in bed, sleeping, in the stroller ... Every minute of his life was immortalized.

We were so happy with your sister and she was so good, it took us many years to decide that it was time to expand the family.

And when we saw that the time had come, one of the most incredible trips of my life began. Thinking that I was going to be a mother again made me happy, but when a few weeks later a urine test confirmed what I already knew, that you were on the way, I began to enjoy you every second.

I fell in love with each ultrasound, seeing how you moved, how you grew and each mini garment that I bought you, dreaming how handsome you were going to be with them on.

And it is that with your sister we did not know until the third ultrasound that I was going to be a girl, but you let you see your masculine attributes in the first trimester. So we were able to prepare your things with the illusion that involved and, as Dad and I worked in the same company, we spent as much time as possible together, talking about you, how you would be, making plans of the four together ...

We already knew what it was like to be parents and you were making us enjoy fatherhood even more, with more peace of mind.

It is true that we do not share your wait with family and friends as we did in your sister's pregnancy, but not because we were not proud. Quite the opposite! We wanted to live it in privacy, enjoying day to day together, alone. We didn't want to miss a single detail. This time we knew what we had, what was going to come (another advantage of being the second).

And the big day came, or rather the night, because we were sleeping when I realized that you already wanted to be born. While Dad drove me to maternity, we realized that we had not specified your name. We wanted it to be so perfect, we weren't sure of hitting any of the ones we were considering. So we agreed that we would decide to meet you. And so it happened.

Everything was fast and simple and in less than two hours you were with us. Before they put you in my arms I could hear Dad exclaim: "How handsome and perfect he is!" and seeing you a second later, the expected words came out of my mouth: "Hello, Yago," welcome to our family. "

And since then, always together. You were still crying when you crawled up to my chest and started to breastfeed. And so you fell asleep. I still skip tears as I remember how good I felt in those magical moments, so different from those I lived with your sister.

Each child is unique, I was beginning to discover it and I am still doing it today.

There were no fears or insecurities, only happiness. You were by my side, healthy and nobody was going to separate us, not even to test you. Mom wanted to protect you and love you.

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More patience and much love

The famous saying that ensures that "a second child does not multiply the work of a mother but triples it", surely it is successful. But there is no saying or phrase made that records that love and patience also multiply.

It is true that you do not have as many photos printed on paper from the first days of life as your sister, but I assure you that I enjoyed them much more with you.

Only dad, Kenya, you and I, without visitors, getting to know each other, learning how to live all four together.

And that made me feel stronger, better mother, without needing the grandmother, whom I consulted all when your sister was born because she was afraid to hurt her, drown her in the bathtub, that my milk would not feed her ... But with you, everything was natural, easy and I didn't feel overwhelmed, even though I now had two children.

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Dad and I shared your care, so I felt less tired and wanted to walk, clean, sleep ... something that with my first baby were 'almost' impossible missions.

Because if, Since you came into our life you taught me wise lessons: namely delegating, because dad wants and knows how to take care of you; to have more patience with your sister (because she is a girl); not to pretend everything is perfect (there are no perfect families); to relax and learn to enjoy my baby without every visit to the doctor or every pain being a tragedy. If you were sick, it wasn't my fault. I was a good mother. Children just get sick. You gave me security to take better care of you.

You fill my life with color

And the days went by and we all enjoyed you. Your sister loved you and didn't even feel jealous. Dad was responsible for demonstrating that it was very important in our lives while I was breastfeeding (our intimate moment, that only you and I could share).

And you were such a cheerful baby, it was impossible to get mad at you. And that innate joy was also my salvation chart when Dad got sick and died. In the first moments I was sure that I would be unable to take care of you alone and once again you came to show me that I was wrong.

With you I learned to relax watching 'SpongeBob' sitting next to you, even if the house was not collected; to see a thousand times 'Toy Story' and to continue enjoying with her; to play on the ground and chase you through the park as if it were one more child; not to worry if we skipped bath time or bedtime; not to worry because your clothes had become dirty and others thought she was a bad mother ... And thanks to you and your passion for animals, we adopted Mangosín, the dog that is one of the family.

Because everything was different

And it is clear that you are not your sister nor have I ever pretended that you were like her. And so it was from the beginning, since we decided that we wanted to stop being a family of three.

With you the pregnancy was calmer, more relaxed, I didn't feel fear at every moment and I knew you were growing well inside me.

I didn't need to read maternity books or ask other mothers if the discomforts I felt were normal. In fact, I wasn't even aware of them, because your sister had me entertained.

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Because that's how you were and you are: a restless, funny, happy person who, with a hug, a kiss and a smile, all problems fade away (even if only for a moment).

You will always be my table of salvation in the ocean, my oasis in the desert. You are Yago, my child, my second child and half of my heart. Although yes, it must be recognized, I have a heart divided between the two, but love never runs out.

So, if you ever miss yourself because at home there are more photos of your sister than yours as children, remember that it is not because I love you less, or that your childhood is less important, but that I have simply lived it differently and I don't need photos that remind me of how amazing you are and how happy you make me.

Thank you for making me a better mother since you came into my life. Because you were my second child, although never the second in my heart. As I always tell you, emulating one of your favorite movies: "I love you to infinity and beyond".

Photos | iStock